Then family drama hit me on Friday like a busload of mines. I spent hours upon hours this weekend triaging feelings and putting hearts back in order. Now everybody's happy, but I've got six and a half hours to pull off a miracle.
Considering how hellish things have been lately, I'm not holding my breath for a bailout from God.
Which brings me back to here. I shouldn't be here. However, I dealt with a particularly crushing bout of Depression this weekend and I thought I'd share with you how I handled it with my iPhone and Twitter.
7:28pm Depression isn't pretty. http://twitpic.com/4ygvq
7:29pm I need to go through the routine: Am I depressed? Yes. Do I have a reason to be depressed? Yes.
7:29pm Is the amount of sadness appropriate for the situation? Want to say "yes" so will. Is the Depression helping me resolve the situation? No.
7:30pm So what am I going to do about it? I need to move. Change my shirt. Brush my teeth. Wash my face. Clean the livingroom. See where I'm at.
7:40pm Better? I also smiled 100 times to offset the downward pull on my face. Depression is down from DEFCON 1 to level 2. http://twitpic.com/4ykk0As you can see I am a long way from being happy, but I feel the difference between the two photos are stark. Don't let Depression defeat you. Fight it. I do, and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. Because of my efforts now I'm at DEFCON 3*. I feel I was able to handle the family drama much better because I made an effort to not let Depression crush me. They were superficial things that made a big difference because I made the effort to move and fight.
Find your own techniques, no matter how silly or trivial, that can pull you out of a slump. Depression doesn't have to rule our lives.
Now back to writing. Thanks for reading.
*DEFCON was a arbitrary rating I pulled out of a hat.
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14 comments:
see this cool video about depression http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3D-oUwlDRsw&feature=channel_page
That *was* cool. Thanks.
When you get depressed, remind yourself that somewhere, someone is thinking wonderful thoughts about you. :)
Did you happen to see Daphen Merkin's piece in the NY Times magazine section yesterday? I thought it was spot on and I am so glad she shared her experiences.
Depression does not have to rule our lives. We all have trouble getting things done. Often people who are "stuck" convince themselves that they are lazy and simply in need of a good kick in the pants. Not the case. Excellent treatments exist for all aspects of mental functioning. For starters, we must be aware of, reflect upon, and resolve conflicts surrounding our wishes and intentions in order to liberate our focus. Always value yourself in the face of a demanding world.
I have never met someone who takes a picture to verify/show others their mood...I do that. I have one that I have kept for some time...to show people how I felt about my job at the time. It is amazing how much shows in facial expressions...even if we try to cover up how sad we are feeling. Hugs to you.
I've been going through pretty severe depression over the last few days, too! In fact, it seems to be going around! Do you think its something in the air???
Thanks, Anon2
crone51 ~ No, I didn't catch that article. Do you have a link? Thanks.
Attention Doctor ~ Well said! Thanks for commenting.
The Bluest Butterfly ~ Thanks, Blue. I had hoped that people might connect with my photos, but really I was just trying to use technology to show me if what I was feeling inside was showing up outside, and it was. Taking photos is an excellent aide towards helping others understand what you are feeling. Well done.
AngelNicki ~ Is family drama contagious? If it is, I may have to quarantine mine away from others for a while. I could use some peace in that department.
Apparently my comment the other day didn't save. I'm sure it was wonderfully witty, but for the life of me, I don't know what I wrote!
I am finding myself battling the black clouds myself at the moment, as I wonder if we will ever get out of the financial hole we have dug for ourselves since MDH lost his job. I'm grateful to have my job, but I miss the time I used to have with my kids. I am bone-weary tired at this stage of the school year. And here I set at half-past midnight. Idiot, I am.
Do you see what I do there? I get into always and never thinking (we'll never get out of this, I will never get back the time I am missing, he is always playing and never helping, . . .). As soon as I recognzize that little demon, I start editing my thoughts. . .not never, we've come through worse before. Not always, only sometimes, and he's so much better than he used to be. Another trick I use is I put silly 80s songs on the stereo and sing loudly. My children think I'm hilarious, and we all end up laughing. Laughter is healing. I also look back at the amazing progress my son has made in the two short years he has been in his new school (which wouldn't have happened without the losses we incurred that got us here). Smiles are in here somewhere.
You're quite welcome!
I hope that you have worked your self out of your depression. I am commenting here because I just found your blog, reading a post from March 7, 2005. All I can say is WOW. I never expected to read something that fits so closely what I go through.
Thank you so much for sharing. Though I have not labeled myself (or gotten a diagnosis of) ADD, I have been working through my problems.
I will be looking through your blog to see what you and your commenters have to offer.
I really wanted you to know that you have helped me.
Thank you.
Does forcing yourself to smile really help? I'm starting another bout and thinking about going back on meds. I *really* hate the mood swings.
Claire ~ Berating ourselves only feeds the black beast. It likes that meal. It thrives on it. One of the first things I had to do to overcome my depression was to stop beating myself and learn to cut myself some slack. Hard for perfectionists to do! ;)
I'm glad you have a good attitude, however. Your pluckiness will serve your family well as you struggle with these hardships. Thanks for commenting. It's nice to read what you have to say.
Michael ~ Your comment made my day. I am so glad you found something here that helped you. I hope to hear from you again soon.
'Nette ~ Yes, forced smiling works for me. It's not that I'm suddenly smiling like a Stepford Blogger, but physically preventing my face from frowning is helpful. Studies have shown smiling is helpful. However, it is only ONE tool I use. Alone, I have found it is useless against deep depression. Against funks and downish moods, it can sometimes be all I need.
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