tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-68904312024-03-13T14:44:49.134-06:00A Splintered MindOvercoming AD/HD & Depression With Lots Of Humor And AttitudeD.R. Cooteyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139544455838967475noreply@blogger.comBlogger961125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6890431.post-30188349337247226872023-06-29T03:45:00.025-06:002023-09-17T10:40:05.036-06:00April Snow Brings May Slow, But I Keep On Fighting<p><em>The biggest challenge in my life right now is Long COVID. The post exertion malaise leaves me depleted with no extra energy for blogging. All that energy is directed towards my Daddy Duty (I have an adult, learning disabled, autistic child at home) and my current work in progress. Yes, I am writing, and it’s filled with attitude and humor, but I’m not writing here. Let’s change that.</em></p>
<p><em>I’ll start with recent Facebook posts, elaborate on them, and then start charting my progress—perhaps even with a bit of cheek.</em></p>
<img src="http://www.cootey.com/pix/2023/april4-snowedincar.jpg" alt="A Snowy Spring" title="A Snowy Spring" width="100%" />
<p><strong>April 4, 2023:</strong> Nice weather we’re having! 🌱🌿🥀</p>
<p><em>(To be honest, snow in April means I have to continue staying indoors. The reprieve from illness that I typically get with warmer, sunnier weather is delayed with every day that Spring doesn’t return from Arizona or wherever the heck she gets off to during Winter.)</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p><strong>April 12, 2023:</strong> Just working on getting healthy again. Not succeeding very well. </p>
<blockquote>
<p>Current location: Bed</br>
Current mood: <em>Annoyed</em>. </p>
</blockquote>
<p>My Post COVID became worse with my 2nd bout of COVID last February. I’m currently increasing my stamina, but the effort takes me down afterwards. I’m desperate to get back to normal before I get this blasted virus again. But! I’ve made it up a local hill 3 times this past week. Progress!</p>
<p>What baffles me is the large amount of people I bump into who dismiss COVID–19 as a mere cold. Maybe it was for them, and bless their superior hearts, they were truly fortunate, but some of us didn’t fare so well. </p>
<p>I consider myself blessed that I avoided hospitalization the first time, but I have to admit that I’m a bit bitter because that virus ravaged my vision, health, and quality of life. When ppl treat me like I’m overreacting, I feel rage. Then the rage saps my stamina, and I have to lie down. I’m a veritable dragon of fury from underneath my covers.</p>
<p>It’s a touch pitiful, to be honest, but I’m determined to reverse this damage. Part of my efforts to recover is achieved by avoiding the people with glib advice, the cynical retorts, and those who assume I didn’t vaccinate (and therefor deserved to get sick) from my life. None of them are helpful.</p>
<p>The worst thing about Post COVID (or Long COVID) life is that I’ve lost my ability to laugh things off. That’s all on me. I’d dearly like to see the mirthful, cheeky side of me come back to full health, too. I want to spread my wings and cackle and caw as I soar above my hardships. This bird with a wounded wing routine is getting boring.</p>
<p> </p>
<center><img src="http://www.cootey.com/pix/2023/april17-oldmanselfie.jpg" alt="Old Man Selfie" title="Old Man Selfie" width="50%" /></center>
<p><strong>April 17, 2023:</strong> Hipstamatic’s Tintype app is fun to play around with, and it simulates the effect well, but I always appear years older than I actually am, and often unrecognizable as myself. And those bug eyes! Makes me laugh.</p>
<p>At least Old Man Selfie brings a smile to my face. </p>
<p>Yesterday, I went out for a walk and caught some much needed sun and exercise. I tackled a local hill, and I’d like to tackle it for the next two days in a row. Sometimes post exertion malaise kicks in, and I spend the next few days in bed, but I’ll live with the downtime if it means I can push my uptime forward.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><strong>April 26, 2023:</strong> Dealing with a bout of <a href="fightdepression">depression</a> today. Going for a walk.</p>
<p> </p>
<table>
<tr>
<td width="76%" rowspan="3"><img src="http://www.cootey.com/pix/2023/april26-walk1.jpg" "Bare Trees" width="100%"></td>
<td width="24%"><img src="http://www.cootey.com/pix/2023/april26-walk2.jpg"
"Bare Tree with Robin" width="100%"></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="24%"><img src="http://www.cootey.com/pix/2023/april26-walk3.jpg" "Spring
Buds1" width="100%"></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="24%"><img src="http://www.cootey.com/pix/2023/april26-walk4.jpg" "Spring
Buds2" width="100%"></td>
</tr>
</table>
<p> </p>
<p><strong>April 28, 2023:</strong> The walk on Wednesday was a success. It felt good to get out. It felt good to <a href="fightdepression">fight my depression</a>. </p>
<p>The first thing I noticed was all the barren trees. There were birds in the branches, but no leaves. This initially discouraged me. I had hoped that the rebirth of Spring would bring liberation to my doldrums. We’ve had many false starts, so there were dead buds in stages for each week Mother Nature decided to head south to Arizona again.</p>
<table width="100%">
<tr>
<td width="50%"><img src="http://www.cootey.com/pix/2023/april26-walk5.jpg" title="Dogwood Blossoms1" width="100%"></td>
<td width="50%"><img src="http://www.cootey.com/pix/2023/april26-walk6.jpg" title="Dogwood Blossoms2" width="100%"></td>
</tr>
</table>
<p>Yet although many buds died, but there was still hope for Spring. The dogwoods were in open defiance of Spring’s absence. As I turned a corner and walked deeper into the neighborhood, dogwood blossoms greeted me. They don’t have a notable scent, but with flowers erupting everywhere, perhaps Spring will come after all. It’s been eight months of cold, wet weather, and I welcome the change. </p>
<p>Later that day, I decided to ride my longboard. I managed five minutes on the board before my heart threatened to burst through my chest while my legs became jelly. FIVE MINUTES. It’s not the usual 3–4 hours I am used to, but it was a humble start.</p>
<p>Then I recuperated on the couch before going for a two mile hike. The only way to overcome this limited stamina is to exercise my way through it. I was so tired afterwards that it didn’t feel like progress, but it was. </p>
<p> </p>
<p><strong>April 29, 2023:</strong> Yesterday was wonderfully productive, but I pushed too hard. Now I’m sick in bed. I’ll try again tomorrow. </p>
<p> </p>
<center><img src="http://www.cootey.com/pix/2023/april30-staminagraph.png" alt="Stamina Chart" title="Stamina Chart" width="50%"/></center>
<p><strong>April 30, 2023:</strong> 3.8 miles walked today, plus I did 60 modified ab rolls. I feel like a phone battery at the end of a long day, but I’m also feeling better about myself. Here’s to dead batteries!</p>
<p>I’m experimenting with one day of stamina training and one day of recovery, then repeating. So far, I’m pleased with the results, although overall, I am fairly exhausted from the effort. Post COVID syndrome is not made up. I believe the chronic fatigue is my hardest challenge to meet. Tomorrow will be a recovery day whether I want it to be or not. </p>
<p>Until now, I’ve been trying to string together more and more days of exercise in a row, but it takes me down, i.e. bedridden, for three to four days afterwards. It used to be two days of exercise and FIVE days of recovery, but I’m pleased to report that I’ve improved on that, even if only meagerly. </p>
<p>I’ll just keep at it until I win.</p>
<p>~Dˢ</p>D.R. Cooteyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139544455838967475noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6890431.post-45760549363639129202022-11-11T05:14:00.002-07:002022-11-11T05:16:03.601-07:00How to Take Charge of Your ADHD Voicemail Hell<p><em>Ever find yourself missing important messages because your voicemail box is filled with half a decade of unlistened to calls? There might be a solution for that.</em></p>
<img src="http://www.cootey.com/pix/2022/istockphoto-delete.jpg" alt="Pressing the delete key on your backlog" title="Pressing the delete key on your backlog" width="100%" />
<p><a href="http://douglascootey.com/search/label/ADHD" title="Read some more tips on managing ADHD">Adult ADHD</a> is almost like the Baskin Robbins of the mental health community. There are so many flavors of ADHD, you can be forgiven for questioning if they’re all from the same diagnosis. Some adults with ADHD daydream. Others are chronically late. Some run their mouths off with their feet in the way. Others never stop talking. Some forget why they went to the store. Others forget who they just called because something distracted them after they dialed. There are plenty of attributes that we all have in common, but I am constantly surprised by how diverse the ADHD community is. One size truly does not fit all.</p>
<p>I find that I have difficulty getting organized, I have chronic procrastination issues, I have trouble following through, and all because I have an intolerance for boredom. Those are fairly basic ADHD attributes, but where I notice them intersecting with uncomfortable intensity is with tasks like email, paper piles, bills, and voice mail. </p>
<p>In short, I have an aversion to drudgery. Most people do. The ADHD mind, however, seems Teflon coated to protect itself from boredom. The second boredom occurs, the ADHD mind is off crossing the English Channel, launching into space, or thinking about anything but what it is supposed to be.</p>
<p>I’ve noticed that <a href="http://douglascootey.com/search/label/ADHD" title="Read some more tips on managing ADHD">Adults with ADHD</a> have a tendency to create these types of backlogs at a higher frequency than others. They can become stumbling blocks that worsen over time because the ADHD mind recoils at boredom. Today I want to touch upon how that creates our own version of voice mail hell. </p>
<p>For all the creative energy I put into my voicemail greeting, I sure don’t put as much energy into listening to the messages people leave for me. Somehow, it slips my mind. People reach out to me, the years pass, glaciers move across the continent, and suddenly I notice I have voicemails all the way back to 1995. Most are just doctor offices letting me know about an upcoming appointment, but some are important messages with information I had inquired about. Other times, I found messages from my lovely daughters that were never listened to. I might be only slightly exaggerating, but overall it can get bad. </p>
<p>There are primarily four methods to manage voicemail:</p>
<ol>
<li><strong>Shut off voicemail.</strong> I don’t recommend this one, but there is no law that says you need voicemail. The best mess is the one that doesn’t exist, right⸮</li>
<li><strong>Keep on top of your messages daily by deleting most of them.</strong> Build a habit of triaging your messages. I will chuck the dull reminder messages first, as well as the followup messages from school or the doctor’s office. Don’t be afraid to delete a message halfway through your first listen. Work fast and get the drudgery over with. Family messages I save if they’re personal and heartwarming. That leaves me with the messages that are time sensitive. I return those calls, then delete the voicemail when I’m done.</li>
<li><strong>Prune your messages a little bit every day.</strong> Sometimes life will get in the way of your efficiency. At those times, it is easy to fall behind your voicemail. I get sick a lot, so there are many occasions where I begin to feel buried by the backlog. To get back on top, I’ll set the goal to process five voicemail a day using the criteria above. It doesn’t take long, and very quickly I’ll find myself caught up. I also make it a point to prioritize current voicemail first.</li>
<li><strong>Declare Voicemail Bankruptcy.</strong> Sadly, I find this is a necessary step every few years. For example, coming out of COVID and six months of respiratory viruses, I found my voicemail backlog almost too much to process. Pruning old voicemail everyday was exhausting me and leaving me with no energy for the important calls. A year later, and I still hadn’t caught up. Frankly, if you’re still holding onto a message from three years ago, it’s likely not relevant anymore. Do what I did. Select them all and flush them down the binary toilet. Now I am able to stay on top of my voicemail and respond to current issues in a timely manner again.</li>
</ol>
<p>If you are the type of person to create a voicemail backlog, then dutifully slog through it for an eternity, you might need permission to free yourself from your self-imposed shackles. Old voicemail is no longer relevant; time is precious; and unfinished projects have an emotional weight that can bind you in the past. Choose the most prudent solution above for your circumstances and make your voicemail useful again.</p>
<p>~Dˢ</p>D.R. Cooteyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139544455838967475noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6890431.post-89961257821354767422022-11-03T19:22:00.002-06:002022-11-03T19:25:47.200-06:00Depression: The Highway to Success Has an Awful Lot of Detours<p><em>I’ll write a bit vaguely today because I want to touch upon some things that are family matters and how they impact me.</em></p>
<img src="http://www.cootey.com/pix/2017/RoadWorkAhead.jpg" alt="Road work sign. Fun times ahead." title="Road work sign. Fun times ahead." width="100%" />
<p>Recently, I have noticed longtime readers of my blog have leapfrogged over me while my life has become stagnant. I caught myself beginning to feel bitter about it, so instead of letting that bitterness settle into depression, I will share some things that I have learned instead.</p>
<p>My life took a detour a few years back, if eleven can be called of few. It was as if I was forced to take an exit and found myself on the service road bumping along besides the highway, falling behind all the other traffic. I could see where I wanted to go, but I just couldn’t get there as fast.</p>
<p>I called that detour “divorce”, and it took me a few years to get back up onto the highway. I finished two books and blogged professionally during that productive time. Managing my depression while optimistically making big goals helped me to move forward.</p>
<p>The next detour is a touchy one. I’ve never spoken about it in public. It involved pummelings and kicks, objects thrown, property damaged, bruises, and frequent calls to the police while I lived as a punching bag for two people. One of them was a sole instance, but it was bad enough that it changed their life permanently with police, counseling, and a new residence. The other person is precious to me and under my care still. </p>
<p>I couldn’t defend myself well in that sole instance because I was having a Tourette’s episode. My forearm crutches were up against the house, and I was laying down on the driveway. I’ve never felt so helpless in my life. The majority of the events, however, involved the precious one. How could I defend myself against a child? I would take punches while I waited for the police to arrive. This precious one also had epilepsy, so there were many, many emergency calls. I called this detour “911 Hell” and it lasted over seven years.</p>
<p>Autistic children are hard to raise, more so when you don’t have a diagnosis. Teachers and social workers were quick to point fault at us as being negligent. The problem was compounded because the precious one would become Dr. Jekyll after I called the police on Mr. Hyde. Fortunately, we persevered and had our child properly diagnosed, which opened up avenues of treatment that have been life-changing for all of us. </p>
<p>The lessons that I learned were to ignore the petty tyrants in the school system, to not take social workers’ advice (they hastily pass judgement, then move on to the next case), and to <strong>proactively seek medical expertise</strong>. Also, have your doctor print out and sign your child’s diagnosis on paper with an official letterhead, then laminate it to show to any doubting officials. This saves so much time.</p>
<p>My third detour was less of a side road and more of a bridge that was blown out while I was driving across it. Having <a href="http://douglascootey.com/2006/03/depression-ten-ways-to-fight-it-off.html" title="Here’s how I fight off Depression without meds">Major Depression Disorder and Persistent Depression Disorder</a>, Tourettes, and <a href="http://douglascootey.com/search/label/ADHD" title="Read some more tips on managing ADHD">ADHD</a> while dealing with all of this suppressed my immunity system and caused me to become sick all of the time. I call this detour “the lingering death”. It began in 2014. The last year has been the worst, and I have <a href="http://douglascootey.com/2022/07/that-time-adhd-helped-me-win-couple-of.html">detailed it</a> <a href="http://douglascootey.com/2021/12/doomsday-in-december.html">more</a> <a href="http://douglascootey.com/2021/11/feeling-down-so-its-time-to-be-grateful.html">than</a> <a href="http://douglascootey.com/2021/11/good-grief-where-have-i-been.html">enough</a> in these pages. I’m still trying to get back up onto the service road, never mind the highway.</p>
<p>All of these detours have profoundly changed me. I struggle to find things to laugh about, and I smile even less. Tapping into my inner brat in order to write funny blog articles is particularly challenging. However, I have not given up hope. Although I occasionally lapse in judgment, I try hard not to compare myself to others and mark my success against my own progress. </p>
<p>As for today, the precious one has COVID–19 this week, but I dodged that bullet. However, I got some other respiratory virus at the same time. You might think those are uncanny odds, but this is me we’re talking about. I get sick just looking outside at the changing weather.</p>
<p>As I come out of this recent illness, I’m thinking hard about how I want to move forward. I need more progress in my life. I need more successes. And I need to acknowledge that I am not <a href="http://douglascootey.com/search/label/Depression" title="Read more about coping with Depression">managing my depression</a> very well this time around. I don’t know if writing all of this changes anything, but it seems to me that I need to get back up onto the highway sooner rather than later before the next detour presents itself. If putting my life into perspective in a short article can accomplish anything, I hope it accomplishes this.</p>
<p>~Dˢ </p>D.R. Cooteyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139544455838967475noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6890431.post-4087827571005276402022-10-27T07:00:00.011-06:002022-10-27T07:00:00.212-06:00Bookwork Entry 10 – Frustration and Setbacks Plus Unfathomable Optimism<p>A month has passed since I last updated my journal. I'm afraid progress has been in short supply, but understanding my obstacles and deciding how to surmount them has made this writing process invaluable. Reach out to me on Facebook or Twitter if you've got something to say about what I've written.</p>
<p><p><i>(Mobile browsers only display the first page. Please view the text entry after the embedded PDF if you don’t wish to download it.)</i><br></p>
<iframe src="http://www.cootey.com/bookwork/1025.pdf" width="100%" height="700px"></iframe>
<p> </p>
<p><b>25 OCTOBER 2022</b><br>
BOOKWORK 10: It’s been a month since I last checked in. How have I been doing? The website project has come to a stop. I need to fiddle with some settings with my ISP, something I haven’t done to this extent before, so instead of charging in, I sit down and read a book. More on that later.
<p>
WaiMin has been stuck in revisions, but that isn’t a bad thing. Co-writing has been challenging, and story problems I would have worked out on my own before have become obstacles. It doesn’t help that Post-COVID has made everything take four times longer than usual. Let’s bookmark that for later as well.
<p>
The one major success in Bookwork has been my blogging. I’ve been consistently blogging weekly since August. This is a massive win. The second phase will be to blog every Thursday. The third phase will be to blog weekly while finishing my visual Todos book. If only I wasn’t so tired all the time.
<p>
Post Exertion Malaise has been the single most ruinous, most destructive, aspect of Post-COVID Syndrome. Its effect on my productivity has been disastrous! Even as I write this, I keep falling asleep. The toll I pay for thinking too hard is complete and total exhaustion. I understand physical exhaustion, but mental fatigue on this scale is brand new to me. I don’t know how to overcome it yet.
<p>
The Post-CoVID brain fog is a pain, but something I am accustomed to. It is worse than ADHD, but similar enough that my years of coping strategies help me function. The hyperactive part of my ADHD isn’t making an appearance, however. I’m used to boundless energy, not dropping dead in the middle of the day like a depleted iPhone.
<p>
I don’t want blogging to be the only thing on my list completed, but I’ll take it. Some success is better than none. Meanwhile, I’ve set up an appointment for cognitive therapy for next month. I’m hoping for mental exercises to build my stamina along with a new metric to chart my progress.
<p>
I’ve moved beyond discouraged to irritated. I can’t progress unless I biuld up my mental & physical stamina, but they’ve told me there is no cure for Post-COVID Syndrome.
<p>
Meanwhile, I am not shirking my full-time dad duties. They are taking all my energy—something I don’t regret, but I do wish I had energy to spare to improve my lot in life a little faster.
<p>
Despite all my goals, however, some days are spent in a stupor. I read a lot of books, I watch a lot of TV, but I don’t make a lot of progress. If I try to push through the stupor, or brain fog, I end up with writings that are dreadful. It takes days to edit bad writing into good as opposed to waiting and writing when I have my wits about me again.
<p>
This is the state my life is at. I wish I could explain it better. So I write in this journal in the hopes that my writing returns to its former level. I write to
organize my mind. I write in defiance of my sickly, disabled fate.
<p>
I don’t continue to blog to find the readers that I have lost. I write to find myself.
<p>
What is next then?
<ul type="bullet">
<li> I will post this journal entry and
begin phase two of my blog: writing early and scheduling posts for weekly publication.
<li> I will fix my home web server.
<li> I will finish the WaiMin revisions.</ul>
<p> </p></p>D.R. Cooteyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139544455838967475noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6890431.post-88758252093259459662022-10-15T19:14:00.001-06:002022-10-21T19:22:52.543-06:00Ten Ways to Be Happy with Post-COVID Syndrome (Even If You're Miserable)<p><em>Let’s celebrate my one year anniversary since getting COVID–19! 🎉</em></p>
<img src="http://www.cootey.com/pix/2022/covid-top-ten.png" alt="COVID Top Ten Banner" title="COVID Top Ten Banner" width="100%" />
<p>I know people who felt that COVID was a pernicious plot by politicians to put down the populace. I know others who believed that nobody would ever get the virus if they were vaccinated, and anybody not getting vaccinated was trying to kill them. Because of this polarization, I have a hard time talking to people about my experience with Long COVID, or <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8093949/">Post-COVID Syndrome</a> as I prefer to call it. </p>
<p>Although I have found sympathetic ears out there, they aren’t the norm. The anti-vaccine folks look down on me for masking up and getting vaccinated, or they shun me for admitting that COVID–19 was far worse than a mild cold. If I acknowledge the dangers of COVID–19 in anyway, I’m a compliant sheep to them. On the other side, the pro-vaccine cheer team pretentiously lecture me on the importance of being vaccinated when I tell them I got COVID. I suppose their reasoning is that I couldn’t have got COVID if I had been vaccinated—even though I was fully vaccinated. Since WHO considers 50% to be high efficacy<a href="#fn:1" id="fnref:1" title="see footnote" class="footnote">¹</a>, we know that means around 50% of the test subjects got COVID despite the vaccine. At any rate, I’ve dealt with far more compassionate pitbulls out there. It’s as if the pandemic stripped my neighbors and associates of all their long-trained humanity. Life has become Twitter. </p>
<p>Unfortunately, I got the virus a year ago despite living like a cross between a hermit crab and <a href="https://amzn.to/3s6bnK8" target="amazon">The Boy in the Plastic Bubble</a>. Twenty-two months of avoiding every germ on the planet, and COVID slipped in through the backdoor with the family member of a roommate. It knocked me down hard, and months later I found myself sicker than usual with lots of questions. Why can’t I stay healthy? What happened to my vision? Why is it so hard to think? Why is it excruciatingly painful to give blood now? Why do my wounds take so long to heal? Why do I bruise easily? Why am I so tired all the time? Where did all my stamina go? </p>
<p><strong><em>Why have I suddenly become so boring‽ </em></strong></p>
<p>Post-COVID Syndrome isn’t just a matter of taking a while to get over COVID. <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/long-term-effects/index.html" target="cdccovid">It’s a cornucopia of side effects and symptoms that linger afterwards</a> for months or, in my case, over a year. I have to admit that I’m having a very difficult time adjusting. Last August, I passed out asleep on my bed after blogging. Blogging! I used to bang out a blog in under an hour. Now it takes me four of them. This is due to post exertion malaise, a common side effect of Post-COVID Syndrome, and one that is common to most viral fatigue syndromes.</p>
<p>If all of this sounds discouraging, it is. So I’ve decided to look at the upsides of this delightful virus instead of whinging about it. Since my blog is about overcoming disabilities with attitude and humor, I’m sure this will be easy:</p>
<ol>
<li>Who needs outdoor exercise when you can get a workout walking to the fridge? Buckets of sweat, a racing heart…it’s almost like running a marathon.</li>
<li>The increase in crippling <a href="http://douglascootey.com/search/label/Depression" title="Read more about coping with Depression">depression</a> has been a great opportunity to stress test my [coping strategies][fightingdepression]. Just what I needed.</li>
<li>Think of all the TV I get to watch while stuck on the couch. I can’t remember any of it due to the brain fog, but that just means I get to watch it again for the first time!</li>
<li>Speaking of brain fog, I now find myself pining for dealing with just ADHD. At least with ADHD, I got a lot of things done. None of them were on my ToDo list, but I sure was productive comparatively.</li>
<li>Another upside to brain fog is that sometimes I forget that I am depressed. Isn’t that convenient‽ It’s true I also forget to pay my bills, forget which day of the week it is, repeat myself in conversations, and sometimes I forget which day of the week it is, but let’s not focus on the negatives.</li>
<li>I have a keen appreciation of my own mortality now. Before I would cluelessly blunder through life, eternally youthful in mind, but now I am old before my time. I’m positive that sagacity is around the corner.</li>
<li>Thanks to Post-COVID Syndrome, my eyeglasses prescription no longer works. I’ve been limping by in the dark, so to speak, but others with my same condition have had entertaining repeat visits to the optometrist as their vision changes every few months. That’s so awesome. I <strong><em>love</em></strong> optometrists!</li>
<li>I banged my shin at Thanksgiving a month after getting COVID. Here we are a year later, and it still hasn’t completely healed. It’s perfect for Halloween!</li>
<li>I went out to dinner with a friend the other night and came home with a cold. That’s faster than any bout of sickness I ever had before COVID. It’s as if Long COVID has weaponized my immunity system to fail. So exciting!</li>
<li>And the best upside to Post-COVID Syndrome is that when I cancel any one of my dozens of doctor appointments because post exertion malaise or illness has me down for the count, nobody shames me. Thanks, COVID!</li>
</ol>
<p>As you can see, I can easily come up with reasons to be extremely grateful for this new condition. It’s just non-stop fun over here. So don’t feel sorry for me or worry needlessly. I’m A-OK! I may be sick in bed again, but my brain is feverishly working on even more upsides to Post-COVID Syndrome to share with you next time. Or maybe I just have a fever. With brain fog, I can never remember fully. But that’s no reason to get down, right⸮ </p>
<p>~Dˢ</p>
<div class="footnotes">
<hr />
<ol>
<li id="fn:1">
<p>Some 50% facts you should be aware of. <a href="#fnref:1" title="return to article" class="reversefootnote">https://www.who.int/news-room/feature-stories/detail/vaccine-efficacy-effectiveness-and-protection</a></p>
</li>
</ol>
</div>D.R. Cooteyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139544455838967475noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6890431.post-88455906079200684502022-10-06T18:42:00.003-06:002022-10-06T18:44:49.966-06:00ADHD: It's Not Always Your Fault<p><em>Come explore with me the strange intersection of pants and ADHD.</em></p>
<img src="http://www.cootey.com/pix/2022/wanderingpants.jpg" alt="" title="These pants are made for walking" width="100%"/>
<p>Last July, I lost three pairs of pants. </p>
<p>As usual, I posted to social media to make light of it, but just between you and me, I stayed up fairly late searching the house like a ninja in search of those pants. Hiding my presence, I moved into almost every room in my home, making no sound as I lifted things, rearranged them, and rifled through them hoping those pants would turn up. </p>
<p>I didn’t search the fridge—because that would have been silly—but I searched everywhere else except my roommates’ rooms. It was possible that somebody absconded with my pants, but it was more likely I put them somewhere stupid, right? Besides, I could just imagine the conversation when I accidentally woke my roommates up as I searched under their pillows and bedsheets.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>“Douglas, why are you dressed like a ninja?”<br>
“Go back to sleep. You’re dreaming,” I’d say while making ninja-like hypnosis motions with my hands.<br>
“I’m calling the police.”</p>
</blockquote>
<p>It turns out that one of the roommates did indeed make off with my pants. This could have been scandalous, except that they politely returned them in the morning—folded—and apologized for accidentally forcing me to run around half naked for…well, no time at all. I eventually stopped looking for my pants, put on my PJs, went to bed, then woke up and got my pants. As far as scandals go, this one was fairly benign. </p>
<p>Except for the hours I spent blaming myself for something that I didn’t do while searching in every stupid place I could have possibly stashed pants.</p>
<p>Afterwards, I was a tad disappointed in myself that when three pairs of pants magically disappeared out of the dryer, I believed that I must have been responsible. <strong><em>I knew</em></strong>, logically, that somebody had taken them—probably accidentally—but <strong><em>I couldn’t believe it</em></strong>. I misplace things so many times on a regular basis, I just assumed that I had done it again. As Ned Hallowell wrote about in “ADHD and Shame”, ADHD adults <a href="https://drhallowell.com/2017/04/26/adhd-and-shame/" target="ADHDSHAME" >…may feel that the real you is fundamentally flawed</a>. </p>
<p>I have a brain and have even been known to put it to use occasionally. That means that I know when I’ve messed up and when I haven’t. This incident caught me off guard. Hadn’t I already changed this part of myself? I thought I liked myself better than this! I still don’t? What’s up with that?</p>
<p>I have seen two major ways that <a href="http://douglascootey.com/search/label/ADHD" title="Read some more tips on managing ADHD">Adults with ADHD</a> handle a lifetime of <a href="http://douglascootey.com/search/label/ADHD" title="Read some more tips on managing ADHD">making stupid mistakes</a> and being blamed for not measuring up. The first group internalizes the blame and even perpetuates it, holding themselves responsible for every perceived failure. The second group won’t allow blame to chain them down, so they sprint forward, but without much self-analysis. Both groups tend to become overachievers.</p>
<p>I used to fall into the first group. It was exhausting to constantly be my own worst critic, so I made large strides in putting that type of toxic thinking behind me. So what happened last July? If I were able to skip back through time in order to give myself some advice, I’d tell yester-me to trust his instincts and go to bed. Since I am not able to do that, I will inform future me to keep this lesson in mind. </p>
<p>Pants, even the most active kind, don’t leap out of the dryer and go for a walk. And since there is only ten feet between the dryer and my bedroom door, there aren’t an awful lot of places to misplace pants. I was so troubled by that incident, and so disappointed in myself that I had assumed fault where there was none, that I began to reassess my state of mind. That incident prompted me to seek more information about “Long COVID”. </p>
<p>In a way, I have those pants to thank for my new awareness. I’ve been blaming myself for an awful lot of issues that were out of my control this year. If I hadn’t blamed myself for something ludicrous last July, then been surprised at my error of thought, I might not have suddenly come to a stop and said to myself, “Hold on. Something is wrong here, and it’s not ADHD.” Brain fog is one of the major symptoms of “Long COVID”, but it’s also like <a href="http://douglascootey.com/search/label/ADHD" title="Read some more tips on managing ADHD">a bad ADHD day</a> every day. </p>
<p>I have to admit that I am glad that ADHD has taught me not to take life so seriously. I had a good laugh about those wandering pants. We and our ADHD aren’t always at fault. </p>
<p>The scars of our youth happened a long time ago. We should leave the wounds in the past and stop carrying them into the future. Whether we needlessly blame ourselves, or careen through life like a locomotive in an effort to avoid blame, we still carry those criticisms around with us. </p>
<p>Maybe there are people in your life who still relentlessly blame you. I won’t go so far as to tell you to cut them out of your life, but learning to push back at least can be part of nurturing your self-esteem. You don’t have to be angry, outraged, or hostile. Just draw a line in the sand and don’t budge. That includes pushing back against yourself. Don’t beat yourself up when you make a mistake. Learn from it instead. Laugh at it. Take away its destructive power. You can stop yourself from assassinating your own self-esteem like a ninja in the night. Not everything is your fault. </p>
<p>Now that I think about it clearly, though, I lost my favorite jackknife that month, too. You don’t suppose my roommates would mind if I blame them for its loss, do you? It couldn’t possibly have been me at fault.</p>
D.R. Cooteyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139544455838967475noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6890431.post-15335051812402682982022-09-25T03:00:00.002-06:002022-10-27T08:13:51.397-06:00Bookwork Entry 9<p>A lot is said about adults with ADHD and their inability to focus, but not enough is said when they're focused on the wrong thing. Here I became fixated on adding a certain project to my list of things to do, which was already ridiculously long. </p>
<p><i>(Mobile browsers only display the first page. Please view the text entry after the embedded PDF…)</i><br>
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<b>25 AUGUST 2022</b>
Bookwork 9: Did I really want to write a book about Pokémon?
<p>
Yeah, about that.
<p>
One of my steady blogging gigs ten years ago was for a gaming site. When that job shriveled up, my love for gaming didn't shrivel up with it. I developed a trading system for Pokémon XY & ORAS. It sold alright but not as well as I had thought it would.
<p>
When Generation VII games came out, I wrote a sequel, but the changes Game Freak made to the GTS seemed to kill trading. Basically, my system worked, but not as quickly. I never released the book.
<p>
Fast forward to the future and Pokémon HOME has replaced GTS, and all of a sudden my old system works steadily again. Of course, I thought of dusting off the old book and updating it.
<p>
This is where things get weird.
<p>
I already abandoned that idea.
Too much work. Not enough return.
It's a distraction. It turns a fun
hobby into a job. I'd rather
write a novel.
<p>
While I was sick, the next Pokémon game was announced. I don't remember when this occurred. but in my feverish delirium, I latched onto the idea that I could whip out an update. It would be easy as pie.
<p>
No, it would not. I've made pie. It is anything but easy to make. This book would require weeks of testing. It would be a pain to work out all the trade variations. Then I'd have to write them up. No. Just no.
<p>
What is really a pain is my ADHD. I had already buried this project. Then one delirious/brain numb/sick day, I suddenly dig this project up out of its eternal slumber and toss it back on top of the project pile? I don't even remember doing it, yet the drive to finish the book in time for the new game's release this November lingered in my mind.
<p>
Here is my shovel. I am burying this project again. I don't even want to work up my system for a shameless blog post in November. It's a distraction. Good bye!
<p> </p>D.R. Cooteyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139544455838967475noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6890431.post-61888078816107749522022-09-24T19:59:00.002-06:002022-09-24T20:00:14.446-06:00Five Ways To Stop Shiny Object Syndrome<p><em>Long before “Shiny Object Syndrome” was coined as a term, an insignificant blogger from Utah referred to a similar condition and called it Multi-Irons Syndrome. Are they the same thing?</em></p>
<img src="http://www.cootey.com/pix/2022/ShinyProjectSyndrome.jpg" alt="A girl gathers projects like balloons until she is lifted off the earth – Artist Unknown" title="A girl gathers projects like balloons until she is lifted off the earth – Artist Unknown" width="100%" />
<h3>Shiny Object Syndrome — The Fancy Term for Something You’ve Been Doing All Your Life</h3>
<p>There is often a difference between what an expression means when it is coined and how people end up using it. People often don’t see eye to eye on these things. One group will insist on the academic or dictionary usage of a term or word, while the popular usage tromples all over them. Irregardless, we don’t have a lot of control over language. (Yes, yes, I couldn’t resist.) Language evolves. Take a stand on one meaning, and you’ll soon find yourself in the camp of people who hate the use of the singular “they”, shaking your aging fist at the sky, shouting, “But that’s not what the word means!” We lost that particular battle years ago when people got tired of typing “he or she” and “him or her” as gender neutral expressions in business letters. </p>
<p>Shiny Object Syndrome is another one of those terms. People don’t exactly agree on what it means, and they don’t all use the same expression, though it is clear which one is winning that particular battle. The original meaning of “Shiny Object Syndrome” has more to do with project creep than distractions, but that’s not how it is used. Just look at that wonderful cartoon. It was labeled ShinyProjectSyndrom_e1556842006339.jpg on the oldest link I found, like that helps. Syndrome isn’t even spelled correctly. </p>
<p>I have no idea who drew it originally, but <strong><em>they</em></strong> captured the manic zeal of the syndrome perfectly. I have referred to the same issue since 2008 as <a href="http://douglascootey.com/2008/07/multi-irons-syndrome-articles.html">“Multi-Irons Syndrome”</a>. My term has more in common with the less popular “Shiny Project Syndrome”, but “Shiny Object Syndrome” has the clout and its own Wikipedia entry.</p>
<h3>Shiny Object Syndrome as a Way of Life</h3>
<p>Recently, I embraced Shiny Object Syndrome as a coping strategy to deal with the <a href="http://douglascootey.com/search/label/Depression" title="Read more about coping with Depression">crushing depression</a> I was suffering from during the pandemic, and then after coming down with COVID–19. Laying in bed and staring at the ceiling for entertainment gets boring in a hurry. Letting myself get excited about new projects was the only thing at times that lifted my spirits. </p>
<p>I don’t regret the coping strategy, because it was so helpful initially. <a href="http://douglascootey.com/search?q=Multi+Irons+Syndrome">I’ve written about having too many irons in the fire before</a>, but I ended up with a bit too many projects this time. To manage things, I’m journaling my process as I take this massive new pile of nascent projects and prune them before I fail to achieve my birthday goals. I call it <a href="http://douglascootey.com/search/label/Bookwork">my Bookwork project</a>. </p>
<p><a href="http://douglascootey.com/search/label/ADHD" title="Read some more tips on managing ADHD">Adults with ADHD</a> are particularly susceptible to Shiny Object Syndrome. Every task worth the effort involves a bit of drudgery before great things can be accomplished. Unfortunately, our Teflon coated brains are averse to the boredom that drudgery welcomes in with open arms. Our minds switch tasks to something more appealing so quickly, we often are not aware of the change. Then we end up with something like <a href="http://douglascootey.com/2022/08/bookwork-entries-1-2.html">my Bookwork project</a> where <a href="http://douglascootey.com/search/label/Writing" title="Sometimes I write about writing, or not writing, as is usually the case.">I wanted to write</a> fifteen books simultaneously. FIFTEEN! As soon as I realized what I had committed myself to, I had a good laugh. </p>
<h3>Simple Steps to Prevent Shiny Object Syndrome from Taking Over Your Life</h3>
<p>If <a href="http://douglascootey.com/search/label/ADHD" title="Read some more tips on managing ADHD">you’ve got ADHD</a>, it isn’t likely that you’ll be able to kick this habit. An aversion to boredom is built into the diagnosis. However, you can manage it. Here’s how I halt the parade of ideas and finish the floats I began with:</p>
<ol>
<li>Keep the most important goals in the forefront of your mind. Plaster them on the wall if you have to.</li>
<li>Periodically reassess your project goals to cut out the cruft.</li>
<li>Don’t be afraid to shelf “cool” ideas if they are getting in the way of what you’re supposed to accomplish.</li>
<li>Work on your projects in short steps to avoid deep boredom.</li>
<li>Build in rewards for staying focused.</li>
</ol>
<p>Whatever you want to call it, people with ADHD collect new projects without even trying. I don’t think this is a bad thing. Our minds are unfettered and freely creative. Good things can come from that chaotic maelstrom of thoughts. The trick is to regulate it so that we aren’t always creating and accumulating ideas, but taking time to bring some of them to life. </p>D.R. Cooteyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139544455838967475noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6890431.post-77165531971482188442022-09-19T02:09:00.006-06:002022-09-20T06:34:18.668-06:00Experiment with Your Coping Strategies for Better Results<img src="http://www.cootey.com/pix/2022/rejected.png" alt="Rejection Stamp" title="Rejection Stamp" width="100%" />
<p>Earlier this year, I admitted to myself that my current coping strategies weren’t <a href="http://douglascootey.com/2006/03/depression-ten-ways-to-fight-it-off.html" title="Here’s how I fight off Depression without meds">fighting off my depression</a> as effectively as they were before. Had they simply stopped working, or had something fundamental changed inside of me? The answer was complicated. </p>
<p>Obviously, my coping strategies weren’t working since I spent more than half of the days each week struggling to keep my spirits up, but for the longest time, I was too sick to do anything about it. I just limped along waiting to get better. The problem with that plan was that I wasn’t getting better. My depression was fueled by chronic illness. Waiting to get better to act was like waiting to see a doctor about a broken leg after it heals. </p>
<p>My <a href="http://douglascootey.com/2006/03/depression-ten-ways-to-fight-it-off.html" title="Here’s how I fight off Depression without meds">coping strategies for depression</a> were based on basic cognitive behavior therapy principles: Identify the trigger. Implement a solution. Experience relief. They were also based on the belief that I <strong><em>could</em></strong> regulate my moods. They worked great for years until I came upon a new vector into <a href="http://douglascootey.com/search/label/Depression" title="Read more about coping with Depression">depression</a>. </p>
<p>The pandemic, and then experiencing COVID–19 personally, showed me that my coping strategies didn’t compensate for long term discouragement. It’s hard to feel positive and upbeat when you’re sick everyday. It’s hard to go out for a walk when you have a respiratory virus during a snowstorm. It’s hard to change the scenery when you are quarantined. </p>
<p>A curious thing happened to me, however. Although there were more than a few days where it could be said that I wallowed in misery, and although I muttered and complained about my lot in life more than I am comfortable to admit, I didn’t stop being me. My need to solve my mental health issues didn’t park itself in the shed and gather dust, leaves, and cobwebs throughout the Winter. After some time, I realized that I needed to change my approach. I chatted with others more, I began new projects while quarantined, I started exercising daily in very minute amounts, and I stopped feeling guilty about being sick.</p>
<p>I kept trying to move forward with as much vigor as I could summon. As the expression goes, I threw whatever I could at the wall over and over again to see what would stick. I found quite a few projects that stuck. In fact, I ended up with a fairly bad case of <a href="http://douglascootey.com/2008/07/multi-irons-syndrome-articles.html">Multi-Irons Syndrome</a>, as I like to call it. Although I now have to go through the tedious process of pruning all these conflicting projects (I don’t have time to do them all), I am so very glad that I am recovering to the point that I can start pruning. I’m even grateful. </p>
<p>We all deal with <a href="http://douglascootey.com/search/label/Depression" title="Read more about coping with Depression">depression</a> in our own way. Some seek therapy, some seek meds, and some seek both. I won’t tell you which method is the best one for you. Only you can determine that. <a href="http://douglascootey.com/2008/05/wary-of-psych-meds-here-is-my-personal.html" title="Read more about why I manage ADHD & Depression without meds">One size does not fit all.</a>. As for me, I began to almost desperately reach out to any project or idea that caught my fancy. Making plans and projects is an act of hope. I am relieved that even at my bleakest, I was still counting on getting through the hardships to bring new ideas to life. Now I’ve been to a Post COVID clinic and have a healthcare ToDo list that exhausts me to just think about, but I am hopeful again, which is a nice change.</p>
<p>But where does that leave you? If you are struggling to manage your depression due to the pandemic or, like me, if you are dealing with Post-COVID (Long COVID), you may find yourself suddenly turned into a glass-half-empty type of person, especially if that glass was formerly filled with health and stamina. Chronic fatigue can sap you of cheer just as much as it does energy. </p>
<img src="http://www.cootey.com/pix/2022/approved.png" alt="Approval Stamp" title="Approval Stamp" width="100%" />
<p>My advice is to not give up. Turn to your coping strategies and start adapting them to your new circumstances. Get wild. Keep trying. In my case, I forgot which aspect of depression my coping strategies were addressing. When I decided to fight back, even if each and every new coping strategy ended in failure, the act of trying was an act of hope. You need to exercise hope like a weak muscle—carefully at first, but then with greater and greater gusto. You are your own best advocate, so keep advocating with yourself for yourself. Find reasons to keep looking forward despite all the setbacks. </p>
<p>When your coping strategies fail you, it is important to rethink them. Eventually, you will find a remedy that is perfect for your situation. The alternative to is fossilize and mope, perpetuating your pain. Let’s all keep pushing forward instead. </p>
<p>~Dˢ</p>D.R. Cooteyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139544455838967475noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6890431.post-34780477235583980152022-09-17T00:00:00.004-06:002022-09-24T03:55:53.655-06:00Bookwork Entry 8<p>After meeting with a care manager at the University of Utah's COVID Long Hauler clinic, I gained some new information that explained what I've been going through this year. I've been needlessly hard on myself for not getting over something that has impacted me greatly and will continue to impact me greatly for months to come.</p>
<p>I also point out recent successes, which shows me that this was a good project to undertake. I will overcome this illness. I will make my goals. This journal is helping me analzye things that have been overwhelming me for some time as well as allowing me to rethink overly agressive goals that may be fun or challenging, but don't get me published.</p>
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<b>17 SEPTEMBER 2022</b><br>
Bookwork 8: I now have a name for my greatest stumbling block:
<h3>Post Exertion Malaise</h3>
<p>
Common with other viral fatigue syndromes, Post-COVID has the symptom of taking you down after physical or mental exertion. Isn't that neat? There is nothing I can do about it. There is no "cure". Just months and months of convalescence. At the very least, I should stop calling myself lazy when I have to take a nap after blogging, which happened to me last week.
<p>
As of last week, I have blogged two weeks in a row. If I can blog again today, that will be three weeks in a row. I haven't even been able to blog monthly at this point, so I consider this a big win. The Post-COVID brain fog has been debilitating.
<p>
I still have to solve the third domain hosting issue on my rPi. I simply cannot fathom what I have misconfigured. It's driving me nuts. I was also hoping to work on WaiMin tonight. However, I've had two back physical therapy sessions, one knee PT session, and daily exercise homework. I'm pooped. We'll have to see how the day goes. but I remain hopeful.
<p>
Lastly, I've been rethinking choosing now to illustrate graphics for my Splintered Mind blog. It is true that I miss drawing, and the tic-which-shan't-be-named no longer interferes, but anything other than a simple graphic is a distraction from my WaiMin project. No more animated GIFs. They are fun, but take up too much time at this point.
<p>
With my health so severely impacted, I need to rein in my ADHD whims just as severely.
<p> </p>
<p><i>Written on a Kobo Elipsa eReader.</i></p>
D.R. Cooteyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139544455838967475noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6890431.post-52680612938023481202022-09-08T09:30:00.004-06:002022-09-12T06:44:46.483-06:00ADHD: Brain Fog Is No Laughing Matter. Well, Maybe Just a Little<p><em>Call it brain fog, absentmindedness, or a senior moment, but sometimes when your ADHD brain goes on the fritz, you’ve just got to laugh.</em></p>
<img src="http://www.cootey.com/pix/2022/brainfog.png" alt="Brain Fog" title="Brain Fog" width="100%" />
<p>I am here today to tell you that playing Sudoku daily <strong><em>will not improve brain fog</em></strong>. I know. I’ve tried multiple Sudoku books & apps, Sudoku with words, and there’s a Sudoku game out there for the Nintendo Switch that would let me play with fluffy blobs of cats, but I’m not entirely convinced that will work either. <a href="http://douglascootey.com/search/label/ADHD" title="Read some more tips on managing ADHD">Adults with ADHD</a> deal with brain fog on a general basis, so over the years I figured doing mental activities to improve my concentration and presence of mind couldn’t hurt.</p>
<p>Who says that Sudoku improves concentration? The same people who used to swear by crossword puzzles, usually. <a href="http://douglascootey.com/search?q=sudoku">Certainly, not me.</a> No, I kid. I love playing Sudoku and feel more focused after solving a few puzzles, but after the week I’ve just had, I can tell you that it’s clearly not working as a prevention. </p>
<p>There was that moment where I was distracted cleaning up my Nintendo Friend List. Who were all these people? Clearly, all that meditation I had been doing under mountain waterfalls had failed to sharpen my wits. There was this one entry labeled “Avril”* with a bulbous Kirby as her avatar. <em>Hey! I know an Avril!</em> But is it the same Avril? Moments before bringing an impulse to life via text, I stopped myself, iPhone in hand, and thought hard for the first time in days. <em>You can’t just ask somebody out of the blue if their gaming avatar is Kirby, Douglas. Does she even game? Waitaminute…how long has it been since you reached out to her anyway? Crud! Has it been months‽</em></p>
<p>In fact, it had been so long since I last texted her that the conversation had been automatically deleted. For all I knew, I had left her on “Read” since last year. Suddenly, I realized again that the dream I had about <a href="http://douglascootey.com/2022/05/adhd-i-forgot-that-i-was-dating-somebody.html">forgetting that I was dating somebody</a> wasn’t so far from reality. </p>
<p>Last weekend, I was talking with a friend about the latest Spider-man movie that was rereleased into theaters. He couldn’t believe that I hadn’t seen it yet. He stared at me like I had three heads. I had insisted that he watch the first two movies last Fall (that <strong><em>HE</em></strong> hadn’t seen) so that he could catch up in order to see the movie in theaters with me. Then I got sick. </p>
<p>Later I found out that he went and saw it with family instead while I was sick in bed. Why are we still friends? How could my friend not know how sick I’ve been? But never mind that. Why do we say <em>“three heads”</em>? Wouldn’t two heads be weird enough? Were two heads a normal thing ages ago, thus making three heads something outside of the norm? Perhaps there’s something more to the “two-faced” idiom. 🤔</p>
<p>At any rate, he was right that I was adamant about him getting caught up. I wanted the shared cinematic experience. I realize I was bedridden for much of the winter, but it’s strange that I never bought the movie, or streamed it online. It couldn’t be that I forgot about it. One of my daughters loved the movie so much, she rented out a seat and lived in the theater during its first run. It’s all she texted about for weeks.</p>
<p>I think this is more like that ADHD joke, <em>“Oooh! Shiny!”</em>, but on a larger scale. For me it’s a Tourettes episode that lasts for more than a few days or an illness that lasts for a week. I lose track of my current goal if I go too many days without working on it. I’m running forward headlong towards a goal when something happens, then POOF! What goal? </p>
<p>I compensate for this, usually, but having a ton of reminders and to do lists. I’m pretty good about keeping track of most of it. It’s how I’ve written two books, blogged professionally for years, and raised kids. However, every once in a while something slips through the cracks. This time it was responding to a text and seeing a movie I had planned on. The brain fog from Long COVID (or chronic fatigue syndrome—whatever they’re going to call it), only makes my <a href="http://douglascootey.com/search/label/ADHD" title="Read some more tips on managing ADHD">ADHD absentmindedness</a> worse. It can be frustrating. Whenever this forgetfulness interferes with my life, I try to have a good laugh, but not laugh it off. It’s important to acknowledge some of these quirks are funny. It’s better than hating myself as I used to do decades ago. However, a healthy sense of humor is the only thing that seems to be healthy about me lately. </p>
<p>Maybe I just need to play even <strong><em>more</em></strong> Sudoku. I’m sure that’ll fix things. </p>
<p>~Dˢ</p>
<p> </p>
<p>* Name changed to save me from embarrassment.</p>D.R. Cooteyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139544455838967475noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6890431.post-86013220284167648862022-08-27T06:35:00.001-06:002022-08-27T06:35:12.276-06:00ADHD Fixation: The Dark Side of Hyperfocus<!--*Maybe hyperfocus isn't all it's hyped to be.*
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<p>A lot is made of ADHD’s super power of hyperfocus. I’ve written about it on <a href="http://douglascootey.com/2013/09/adhd-three-ways-to-engage-hyperfocus-at.html">several</a> <a href="http://douglascootey.com/2006/03/adhd-dealing-with-distractibility.html">occasions</a> over the years as well. I’ve even created a <a href="http://douglascootey.com/2013/02/better-than-todos-i-calling-them-3dos.html">ToDo List technique</a> to simulate it! </p>
<p>Should we really label hyperfocus as a superpower, though? I have always been painfully aware of <a href="http://douglascootey.com/2011/03/distracted-how-adhd-almost-kicked-my.html">the downsides to hyperfocus</a>. I’ll even avoid undertaking certain tasks because I know that I’ll slip into hyperfocus and loose track of time and the events around me. It’s not always a desirable state of mind to be in. </p>
<p>Normally, <a href="http://douglascootey.com/search/label/ADHD" title="Read some more tips on managing ADHD">adults with adhd</a> might as well be hamsters on a wheel, furiously running, but not getting anywhere. Suddenly, hyperfocus grants us clarity of vision and purpose, opening the road in front of us into a straight line towards success. When your days are spent fighting against your own brain to get something done, hyperfocus is a big deal. </p>
<h3>So, what’s so bad about hyperfocus?</h3>
<p>Hyperfocus without limits is a form of tunnel vision. I like to say that character flaws are talents gone awry. If hyperfocus is a talent, then its flipside is fixation. This ADHD fixation occurs when hyperfocus has no endgame. There is only the project and the drive to complete the project. Everything else is ignored while we relentlessly pursue our goal. </p>
<p>“But Douglas!” I hear you say. “Isn’t focusing on completing the project an endgame?”</p>
<p>It seems that way, doesn’t it? Hyperfocus is wonderful when the project moves smoothly from start to finish without inconveniencing anybody. What happens if hyperfocus makes you difficult to work with, though? What happens when you encounter a hitch? Do you step back and rethink your approach to the project, or do you run forward in hyperfocused hamster mode, furiously running in circles, but with greater energy?</p>
<p>I recall a time when a college friend and I were working on an import Japanese goods startup business. We ran into software issues which affected the catalog layout. Instead of stepping away to research the issue, I continued struggling against the software for hours while my friend grew more and more frustrated. I didn’t listen to a darn thing he said. He pleaded with me to find another solution, but I continued. “I’m almost done. Just one more sec.” I never did resolve the issue, so what did all that intense hyperfocus accomplish? Over the last three decades, I have trained myself to not become so fixated when other people were waiting in the wings. However, I still inconvenience myself if I don’t watch for it. </p>
<h3>How do I stop myself from slipping into hyperfocus?</h3>
<p>Life is filled with moments where we have to park our hyperfocus in order to function with those around us. While raising children, I had to put the brakes on hyperfocus so that my children wouldn’t have to wait for me to finish a project before, oh, feeding them perhaps? Even last night, I put off writing this article until my adult autistic daughter was put to bed.</p>
<p>When I find myself out in the weeds filled with glorious purpose, I use these tips to drag myself back to the road:</p>
<ol>
<li><strong>Become aware of which activities you tend to hyperfocus on.</strong> The first step is developing an awareness of yourself. Knowing which activities catch your attention will help you avoid them when you have other responsibilities.</li>
<li><strong>Clear away your responsibilities before allowing yourself to sink into hyperfocus.</strong> This is a core issue that is made difficult by the very nature of ADHD itself. However, you can train yourself to do this. It takes effort, but it is achievable.</li>
<li><strong>Begin with the ending time in mind.</strong> This is where I trip myself up. Have a clear idea of how much time you can allow yourself to work on a project before you begin. Use physical timers and phone reminders to keep yourself on track.</li>
<li><strong>Stop when you should.</strong> This is the hardest skill of all when hyperfocus whips us forward in a euphoria of clarity. You don’t have to wait until you’ve made a wreckage of your life before learning this skill.</li>
<li><strong>Reassess your project and be flexible enough to change course if necessary.</strong> Hyperfocus will have you endlessly working the wrong approach to completion. Our first ideas aren’t always the wisest, even if they are compelling.</li>
</ol>
<h3>Get it right with practice.</h3>
<p>I love hyperfocus; I despise ADHD fixation. Nothing good ever comes of being fixated. I become inflexible, obsessed, and out of touch with the world around me. Years ago, <a href="http://douglascootey.com/2006/03/adhd-dealing-with-distractibility.html">I melted more than a few pans on the stovetop</a> before learning not to work on a project while also cooking. It is true that sometimes “brilliant” ideas are lost when I prevent myself from getting hyperfocused, but I’d rather be reactive and bored than brilliantly hyperfocused while the world burns around me.</p>
<p>~Dˢ</p>D.R. Cooteyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139544455838967475noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6890431.post-21572577207660980302022-08-24T22:03:00.003-06:002022-09-24T03:58:57.325-06:00Bookwork Entry 7<p>This process may seem dull, but it works extremely well for me, especially since I'm dealing with Post-COVID brain fog. Writing slowly by hand is helping me sort out my thoughts. In this entry, I decided the fate of the second novel. It's nice to imagine that I can simultaneously write two novels while blogging weekly while juggling Great White sharks and chainsaws on a unicycle, but I have to be honest with myself. </p>
<p><i>(Mobile browsers only display the first page. Please view the text entry after the embedded PDF…)</i><br>
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<b>24 AUGUST 2022</b><br>
Bookwork 7: Family visits and fatigue have halted the geeky server work. I hope to get back on track soon.
<p>
Tonight I'm contemplating my second novel. I don't believe it has a ghost of a chance to see the light. I can't even handle my current workload. Why add more?
<p>
Because, unlike WaiMin, this is purely my story. Because the story is nagging me to give it life. Because it will be easier to consult with myself over story ideas. Because I'm bored.
<p>
Speaking of consulting with myself, both of us have agreed to put off writing this story until:
<ol>
<li> I am blogging weekly for a month.
<li> I am writing WaiMin weekly for a month.
<li> I have sketched Bethsi, my female lead, and am drawing weekly.
<li> I have finished reading all the ghost reference books.
</ol>
This will not be an easy list to complete. I have effectively shelved the project.
<p>
Now I have to get back on track with the website work.
<p> </p>
<p><i>Written on a Kobo Elipsa eReader.</i></p>
D.R. Cooteyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139544455838967475noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6890431.post-4994727258605969622022-08-13T17:00:00.046-06:002022-09-24T03:56:37.823-06:00Bookwork Entry 6<p>Here's another thrilling tech-heavy entry as I battle the evil forces of drudgery, then I ask myself an important question: Why don't I make things easy for myself and just delete it all? It's tempting, but then I'd lose a few thousand or so links back to my blog. It would be a little like blowing up the airport on a remote island.</p>
<p>If you were curious how I am creating these PDFs, I take a .nebo notebook file from my Kobo Elipsa, open it in Nebo on my iPad, then export it as a PDF. The Elipsa supports an earlier version of Nebo's library that can create a pretty wild HTML copy of the journal entry using vector coordinates. The geek in me squees when I see the code, but when I paste it into a blog entry here, it breaks the blog. So we'll have to live with the wonky formatting here and there of the converted PDF. It's not a perfect world.</p>
<p><i>(Mobile browsers only display the first page. Please view the text entry after the embedded PDF…)</i><br>
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<b>13 AUGUST 2022</b><br>
Bookwork 6: This journal has been effective. Now I know that I will continue to work on WaiMin—my fantasy novel—and I will continue blogging about ADHD and depression.
<p>
So why didn't I blog this week?<p>
<p>
Long COVID fatigue. This journal is taking a lot out of me.
<p>
Today I will clone cootey.com and prep the rPi to serve a third website. Since I've decided to continue blogging, I need to move my files off of our shared server.
<p>
However, not only do I need to migrate the web content, I have to convert seventeen years of blog entries, relink all the graphics (including graphics I hosted on Google's servers), fix all the cgi scripts, and migrate the email server & accounts.
<p>
Perhaps I hit my head while I was sick and am still addled.
<p>
Wouldn't it be nice to just delete the blog and start over? Why won't I allow myself to do that? Google juice? The legacy? The gravitas of seventeen years and 900 blog articles? It is no light matter. Once I toss it away, it's irreparably gone. But to migrate that much content leaves me gasping for air just thinking about it.
<p>
One thing does occur to me. I could just give cootey.com a new home on my rPi. I could host all those files there and put off migrating away from blogger.com at this time. It would be an effective stress test to see if my rPi can host all those graphics before moving everything else over. Perhaps that is the wisest decision.D.R. Cooteyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139544455838967475noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6890431.post-55754236132345436102022-08-12T23:00:00.026-06:002022-09-24T07:50:42.638-06:00Bookwork Entry 5<p>The technical hurdles have been overcome, and I come to a decision regarding blogging. This is a slow process, but I'm glad I'm going through it. Regardless of <a href="http://douglascootey.com/2008/07/multi-irons-syndrome-articles.html" target="_blank">Multi-Irons Syndrome</a>, I need to focus on only one or two projects if I want to publish a book by the end of the year.</p>
<p><i>(Mobile browsers only display the first page. Please view the text entry after the embedded PDF…)</i><br>
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<b>12 AUGUST 2022</b> <br>
Bookwork 5: I know that I am finally recovering from this last bout of illness.</p>
<p>
Fifteen minutes after I woke up this morning, I figured out what was wrong with the Apache server and fixed it.</p>
<p>
The Pelican blog server is up and running on my Mac, rsync updates the rPi's web content across the network perfectly, and the website loads quickly to the outside. All I need is a vanity domain name, illustrations of the female romantic lead, and I'm ready to go!<p>
<p>
As far as my latest bout of Multi-Irons Syndrome is concerned, I have decided to blog weekly still, and I am committed to finishing the fantasy book I'm co-authoring with an associate. That's what the second website is for.</p>
<p>
Of course, this was only a test case. I still need to migrate cootey.com to my rPi, then tackle the remaining blog issue.</p>
<p>
What blog issue?</p>
<p>
What platform do I want to use instead of Blogger.com? Can Pelican handle the Blogger.com naming conventions? Do I still want to blog about mental health? Can I seriously blog weekly about ADHD and depression at The Splintered Mind while working on a book based on my blog writings while also writing two fantasy novels?</p>
<p>
No. Not likely. Something has got to go. I don't want to give up blogging, though. I enjoy it too much; I feel grounded when I blog; and I know that I have more people that I can help.</p>
<p>
I have family that are ashamed of my blogging. They're either embarrassed for me or of me. They and others are convinced that blogging is a waste of my time. None of them spend any significant time with me, yet they all—ALL—think they know what's best for me. They never ask why I blog.</p>
<p>
I guess that settles the matter of content. I want to continue helping people thru my writing, and so I shall continue honing my craft to that end.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><i>This is a journal I am writing on my Kobo Elipsa eReader.</i></p>
D.R. Cooteyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139544455838967475noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6890431.post-54033836922258828302022-08-11T23:00:00.033-06:002022-09-24T03:58:14.544-06:00Bookwork Entries 3-4<p>These tech-heavy entries focus on the nuts & bolts of hosting a blog. It's not exciting reading, but I needed to resolve this problem if I wanted full focus moving forward. Sometimes our most passionate goals require us to sludge through drudgery before we can attain what we seek. In this case, I want to host my blog on my home server, but have been putting off the grunt work because it's frightfully boring.</p>
<p><i>(Mobile browsers only display the first page. Please view the text entry after the embedded PDF…)</i><br>
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<b>11 AUGUST 2022</b>
<br>Bookwork 3: Blogger.com feels like abandon ware; comments have been broken for years; apps that support Blogger.com become abandonware; and what Google giveth, Google can taketh away. I'll probably be happier running blog software on my own server.
<p>It's time to move off my current server anyway. Even though I set it up and paid for it for years, I've shared an account with my daughter since 2005. She's paid for my services, too–often accidentally–and now her husband is on it as well. It's time for daddy to be put out to pasture.
<p>But migration is a lot of work, and I've been putting it off for years. Sickness. Disabilities. Raising a disabled daughter. There are bona fide reasons why I haven't jumped on this.
<p>Do I love blogging enough to invest time and money on the backend? Google's service may have its issues, but it's free.
<p>Alright. I'll bite the bullet. Tonight I will learn how to host two domains on my Raspberry Pi (rPi). I'm already hosting my family website on it. Then tomorrow I will back up my blog content in preparation for its new home.
<p>All of this is extremely boring, however.
<p> </p>
<p><b>11 AUGUST 2022</b>
<br>Bookwork 4: Torture! Absolute torture! I spent hours tonight configuring my rPi to host two websites. Linux is just enough different from Unix to send me down the wrong path over and over again. And there I was wondering,"Gee, why have I been procrastinating this project again?"
<p>A better question would be, "What does any of this have to do with writing a book?"
<p>Well, the second site is for my pen name. There's not much content there. It's a great test case before migrating NINE HUNDRED blog entries from my main blog.
<p>Stop whining, Douglas, and just get it done. The DC website works locally, but not outside of my network. You've obviously misconfigured something. All ports are open.
<p> </p>
<p><i>This is a journal I am writing on my Kobo Elipsa eReader.</i></p>
D.R. Cooteyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139544455838967475noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6890431.post-2352394152186679532022-08-10T23:00:00.118-06:002022-09-24T03:07:59.474-06:00Bookwork Entries 1-2 <p>While I was sick from October 2021 to April 2022, I allowed myself to pile on new projects as a coping strategy. It worked very well. Having new plans helped keep me focused forward when the present was bleak and discouraging. Now that my health has taken a turn for the better, however, I need to stop letting ADHD spin wildly and spend my time wisely instead. It's time to rid myself of cruft, and focus on the most important projects.</p>
<p><i>(Mobile browsers only display the first page. Please view the text entry after the embedded PDF…)<br>
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<p><b>10 AUGUST 2022</b>
<br>Bookwork 1: Despite all the sickness and setbacks I have experienced over the past year, I still want to write and publish a new book. But which one?
<p>
I wrote down all the book plans that I made while I was ill, and I was shocked, but not surprised, at the massive project goals that I had accumulated.
<p>
<ul type=bullet>
<li>Update my Pokémon book
<li>Finish one of ten new mental
health books
<li>simultaneously write TWO fantasy books
<li>Blog weekly
</ul>
Have I mentioned before that I have been sick with a high fever multiple times since last October? I was clearly delirious when I created all those projects.
<p>
I was to accomplish all of those projects while dealing with Post COVID. Of course! Never mind pruning my storage unit by selling everything and raising a disabled daughter with her copious medical issues.
<p>
What is sad to me is that there is a part of me that sincerely believes that not only should I be able to do all the things, but that I'm supposed to.
<p>
Then again, by setting BIG goals I can achieve more than I might otherwise. Shoot for the stars, for at the very least, I'll land on the moon, right⸮
<p>
Perhaps.
<p>
It's more likely that I'll become paralyzed with indecision because I'm trying to accomplish too much at the same time.
<p>
Speaking of too much, here's what I hope to accomplish with this journal:
<p>
<ol>
<li>Printing practice. My printing
letter forms have grown too sloppy.
<li>Overcome depression
<li>To organize my thoughts & goals so that as my health improves, I am working only on the best, most focused, projects.
<li>Decide which projects I can realistically hope to accomplish and how. First up? Blogging.
</ol>
<p> </p>
<b>10 AUGUST 2022</b>
<br>Bookwork 2: Since the pandemic, I haven't been blogging much, but I've missed it. That contradiction is my first problem. My second problem is that I don't enjoy the blogger.com platform very much. Moving to another platform, then streamlining blog creation and publication, is the third. The topics I blog about might be my fourth problem, though this might also be the reason for the first problem. All of that is a bit much to deal with while also dealing with disabilities and illness, so I keep kicking the can down the road.
<p>
It feels great to spell all that out.
<p>
Normally, I would go for a walk to work out issues that overwhelm me, but I'm sick and lack the stamina for a walk, so I'll walk my thoughts out here.
<p>
Why blogging? It's hardly a steady stream of income. Facebook took care of that. However, I have had successes. I wrote and published a book. I've been paid to attend conferences. I was a paid blogger for regular gigs throughout the years. I've made dear friendships. All of that was due to blogging. Why not continue?
<p>
I've been blogging for seventeen years and I'm bored?
<p>
Well, that accounts for some of the times. I mostly worry that I am expending writing energy on blogging instead of writing my novel. If neither are guaranteed to earn sign ificantly, then why spend time writing what bores me?
<p>
Now that health concerns forced me to take a lengthy break, however, I realize that I miss blogging. I enjoy it. I plan on doing more of it for years to come.
<p>
First problem solved.
</p>
<p> </p>
<p><i>This is a journal I started keeping on my Kobo Elipsa eReader.</i></p>
D.R. Cooteyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139544455838967475noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6890431.post-68724610973420054222022-07-07T23:30:00.020-06:002022-07-11T05:59:15.177-06:00That Time ADHD Helped Me Win a Couple of Auctions<p><img src="http://cootey.com/pix/2022/FlyingMoney.gif" alt="My budget can't handle being sick with ADHD" title="My budget can't handle being sick with ADHD" width="100%"></p>
<p>The problem with chronic illness is that it's boring. I don't mean for the person stricken in bed and suffering. Who cares about them, right⸮ I am referring to everybody else who finds the subject duller than a twenty-four hour CSPAN marathon. When the chronically sick try to tell others about their struggles, they are likely to receive no small degree of exasperation from people who can't hide their dismay, as if to say "What? This again?"</p>
<p>Of course, not everybody is so callous, and even if they are, they aren't likely to be so open about it. They'll smile at you, nod their head sympathetically, tell you to call them if you ever need anything, then disconnect their phone number. I am almost certain this is what really happens, or at least, I am mostly certain since my observations were possibly affected by my 102°F fever. As I've written over and over before, I contracted COVID-19 in October like an early Halloween treat, received RSV for Thankgiving, then had a string of mystery respiratory viruses all the way into April. Despite blogging about this three and a half dozen times, nobody has sent me bales of cash with a sweet "Get Well" card yet. In fact, I would have simply been happy to have received a postcard from Healthy Town, USA with the words, "Wish you were here," scrawled on the back, but no such luck.</p>
<p>In March, I celebrated six months of respiratory viruses by bringing another one home with me from the virus distribution center. This was a proper bookend to COVID-19, complete with five days of a 101°F fever, and it left me bedridden with nothing to do except…what was that?</p>
<p>"Stop being so negative, dear." <br>
"Don't identify as your illness, my dude." <br>
"Keep your plague to yourself." <br>
"You were sick?"</p>
<p>That last one was from one of my beloved daughters, so yes, I was sick. And I had a lot of time to think about things like ADHD, Depression, the fascinating patterns in my ceiling, and how I was going to eat. I can assure you that modern amenities don't accommodate the sick in bed. You can imagine my frustration when I discovered Door Dash would not, in fact, come to my bedroom door. Never mind that I'd have to mail them my front door key first, which I couldn't do from beneath my bedsheets.</p>
<p>If chronic illness is boring for others on the outside, just imagine how boring it is for us on the inside. Couple that boredom with ADHD, and I can get up to dangerous mischief without leaving my bed. During my tumultuous time of illness, when I survived by eating my pillow, I would pass the days propping my iPhone on one arm while I weakly flopped the other arm in its general direction, randomly stabbing at the screen as my hand passed by it. In this way, I surfed the net and kept myself entertained. I can inform you with great authority that being sick in bed with ADHD and an iPhone is a very, very bad situation. Especially when eBay is involved. </p>
<p>Somehow, in my feverish state—where I enjoyed reading badly written books because I was too sick to notice—I also took time to bid on several out of print Pokémon games. I do have an interest in that game series, I must confess, and that in itself wasn't the problem. Bidding on something in order to keep an eye on the auction instead of simply adding it to my watch list was the source of my trouble. I not only won both, very expensive auctions, but I discovered to my alarm that I already owned one of them. </p>
<p>I had forgotten the age-old adage passed down to me by blessed family members who had learned the hard way: "Never bid on auctions when you're sick!" Or perhaps it was my own adage learned at the School of Hard Slaps. I was too feeble-minded to recall.</p>
<p>I recovered long enough a week later to relist the items on eBay immediately after they arrived and before my bank account began to hemorrhage from my stupidity. Both items sold quickly, and when all fees had been totaled, I was out about five bucks between the two. Disaster averted.</p>
<p>I've been writing about <a href="http://douglascootey.com/search/label/ADHD" title="Read more tips on managing ADHD">coping strategies for adults with ADHD</a> for seventeen years now. In that time I have shared my most blockheaded moments for your entertainment, though I have not shared them all. Some ADHD mistakes are colossal in their stupidity and should be kept secret, buried in a vault, and forgotten by time. Fortunately for you, my deft auctioneering was not one of those moments. Take note and learn, my friends, which moments are the worst for your ADHD. </p>
<p>Illness and ADHD are a terrible combo for me. There are many things I will not allow myself to do while sick, mostly because being bored out of my mind while suffering from reduced impulse control always gets me into trouble. Perhaps that might explain why I have an old LP of Artie Shaw arriving today even though I don't have access to a record player.</p>
<p><br><center>⁂</center><br></p>
<p>Coping Strategy: Never bid on auctions when you're sick or tired while experiencing a case of chronic ADHD.</p>
<p><nbsp;></p>
D.R. Cooteyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139544455838967475noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6890431.post-47852465489391398262022-05-13T21:42:00.004-06:002022-05-13T21:58:16.156-06:00ADHD – I Forgot that I Was Dating Somebody?<p><em>Can you be so forgetful that you’d forget that you were dating somebody? For a few groggy moments, I was convinced that I had.</em></p>
<img src="http://www.cootey.com/pix/2022/philosodator.jpg" alt="A Real Sensitive Guy" title="A Real Sensitive Guy" width="100%"/>
<p>As I dealt with forgotten bills, paperwork unearthed from the Jurassic era, and various and sundry things I had meant to get to sometime around last September, I wondered if maybe, perhaps possibly, I was forgetful. </p>
<p>Oh, everybody forgets things! It’s perfectly normal. For example, my mother routinely forgets my name. After bringing me into this world many long and hoary decades ago, you’d think she’d have gotten the hang of it by now, but there she goes again, calling me by name by starting with the youngest son then moving upwards through the sediment of time until she comes around to me. </p>
<p><a href="http://douglascootey.com/search/label/ADHD" title="Read more tips on managing ADHD">People with ADHD</a> are just like that, except with trips to another room, a few phone calls, and a sudden urge to reorganize their closet in between each name. Perfectly normal! That’s why you probably won’t be surprised to hear that I’ve forgotten quite a bit over the past half year.</p>
<p>My Fall was more hectic than usual. I started with a car accident in August, surgery in September, COVID–19 in October, RSV in November, then an attempt to catch every virus in Utah before the merry-go-round came to a stop last month. I’m surprised I didn’t end up with Hanta Virus somehow, as well as Chicken Pox for a third time. My life was such a wreck, I was lucky I remembered my <strong><em>own</em></strong> name!</p>
<p>Some <a href="http://douglascootey.com/search?q=adhd+interruption">interruptions derail the ADHD train</a> so completely that when we finally get our caboose back up on the tracks, we often head off in a new direction. It’s not unusual for me to suddenly realize two months after getting over a death match with the Black Plague that I accidentally started a new project instead of resuming an old one. But there go I introducing a new metaphor. You’d think I had enough archeological material to work with considering how much my bedroom resembles a dig. </p>
<p>Speaking of my bedroom, aside from creating geological strata in all four corners with paperwork, I have been known to sleep there on occasion. Imagine, if you will, my sleepy head emerging from the covers one shiny morning in a panic. No, I hadn’t been buried under the weight of over half a year of mail. I had dreamed that I had suddenly realized that I had a girlfriend who I hadn’t called since September. I was so alarmed in the dream that my heart began pounding as I struggled to remember her name. How could I have forgotten my darling! Then my lucid brain had a chat with my dreaming brain and came to an agreement that it was time to wake up. </p>
<p>As I laid there in the bed calming my racing heart, I chuckled to myself. Like I could ever forget somebody so important as a girlfriend… Then I had a real moment of panic as I realized that I forget people all the time! I forget their names, I forget to call them back, and I forget that I’m on the phone with them when I suddenly start organizing my closet. Yes, I concluded from the sagacious perch of my pillow. I could possibly forget somebody that important. </p>
<p>But did I? I began to worry that maybe I had broken somebody’s heart. How do you apologize for accidentally ghosting somebody for eight months? Fortunately, my lucid brain realized that I was still sleepy and the whole incident was nonsense. There was no girlfriend. I was absolutely in the clear.</p>
<p>Probably.</p>
<p>I'm still surprised that I am so used to being forgetful that I could honestly believe such a dream-addled fiction, even for a moment. To my credit, I’m not so forgetful that I would space off a relationship, but if I ever do get a girlfriend and forget her name, you’ll know I’ll be buried with the dinosaurs if I’m tempted to dig through the layers of my memory and start rattling off past girlfriends’ names until I finally arrive at the right one.</p>
<p> </p>D.R. Cooteyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139544455838967475noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6890431.post-82648570613300673632022-04-28T16:54:00.002-06:002022-05-02T02:57:55.685-06:00Blind as an ADHD Bat<p><em>Ever been so ADHD that you can’t see what you’re looking for, even when it’s right in front of your face?</em></p>
<img src="http://www.cootey.com/pix/2022/InPlainSight.jpg" alt="I’m over here! (iPhone hiding in plain sight)" title="I’m over here! (iPhone hiding in plain sight)" width="100%"/>
<p>Given that ADHD has as many flavors as a bag of jelly beans, you might not all relate with ADHD tunnel vision. I, unfortunately, can’t say the same. If I had a jelly bean for every time something I was looking for was found right there in front of me, I could go into business and give Jelly Belly a run for their money. </p>
<p>Today, the missing item was my iPhone. I got up from the table, left the kitchen, then wondered where my iPhone had gone. I went downstairs and searched for it. My daughter called it. I visited every room of the home as I retraced my steps all over the place. I imagine I traced paths just as comically convoluted as any you can find in Family Circus. Finally! Finally. There was one room I hadn’t visited. The kitchen. And there was my iPhone. The ringer had been turned off, but it was right where I had been sitting at the table, hidden in plain sight, clear as the nose on the end of my face, lying on the table next to my empty glass of strawberry lemonade. </p>
<p>Was I blind? In a matter of speaking, yes. </p>
<p>Sometimes <a href="http://douglascootey.com/search/label/ADHD" title="Read more tips on managing ADHD">ADHD concentration can be narrow-focused</a>. In fact, this tunnel-vision can be so tight that we can miss things sitting out in the open. Haven’t you ever looked for an item, rummaged all around, then found it in the first place you had looked in? “How could I have missed this?” you might think. It was what you were looking for, yet you couldn’t see it. As I’ve mentioned before, <a href="http://douglascootey.com/search/label/ADHD" title="Read more tips on managing ADHD">ADHD attention dysfunctions</a> aren’t too different than what anybody else might experience except in frequency and flair. </p>
<p>I used to constantly lose my wallet and keys in stupid places. They couldn’t be more obvious if they were waving a sign, yet I’d still look right over them. This lack of attention is caused by information overload and a lack of impulse control. To find objects, our minds will phase out extraneous details as we scan over the environment for the item we are searching for. With ADHD folks, everything can be an extraneous detail when we’re preoccupied!</p>
<p>In general, I’ve found that if I’m mistaken about the color, shape, or presentation of the item I am looking for—as in I have a preconceived notion of the item’s appearance—I’ll even put my hands on it, but pass it right by. Wallets and keys are familiar objects, so we have a better chance of noticing them, but if we are distracted at the right moment, any object can become invisible to us.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, there is no cure for this particular myopia. For me, it’s as much a part of ADHD as distractibility. I know I can look forward to future scenarios where I lose my iPhone while it sits there on the bed or table and mocks me. </p>
<blockquote>
<p>“Hey, Siri! Where are you?”<a href="#fn:1" id="fnref:1" title="see footnote" class="footnote">¹ </a><br>
“Right in front of you, stupid.”<br>
“Hey! Siri, you’re getting kinda cheeky lately.”<br>
“Stop <em>“losing”</em> me then.”<br></p>
</blockquote>
<p>To avoid imagined fights with Siri and other AI assistants in the future, I have come up with some tips that help me minimize the times I turn a blind ADHD eye to my belongings:</p>
<ol>
<li><strong>Tidy up before you go:</strong> If I had cleaned up after myself before I left the table, I never would have misplaced my iPhone. I generally do this in public, but am lazier about it at home.</li>
<li><strong>Doublecheck, triple check…just check again, already!:</strong> Develop the habit of checking for your belongings before walking away from where you’ve been. I don’t want to make you neurotic, but this is a life-saving habit. I can’t recommend it enough.</li>
<li><strong>Bluetooth trackers:</strong> These l’il devices will save you so much headache and worry. I use Tile devices. I’ve attached them to my wallet, keys, and go bag. As long as you keep the batteries fresh, you’ll not worry again about where anything is. Now if only they made Tiles small enough to stick on my eyeglasses. I swear those things slip through dimensional pockets and reappear in random places.</li>
<li><strong>A place for everything, and everything in its place:</strong> Train yourself to place important items in specific locations. I’ve done this with my wallet and keys. They go in one place, and one place only. I almost never need to use the bluetooth trackers to find them anymore because I don’t lose them. My iPhone on the other hand…</li>
<li><strong>Take a deep breath, calm your mind, and look again:</strong> Once I become agitated and frustrated, it helps to take a second to center myself, then look again with fresh eyes. I usually see what I’ve been looking for soon after.</li>
</ol>
<p>Developing these habits will help you become more mindful of where your possessions are, thus helping you get back up and running in a hurry. However, if you do find somebody handing out jelly beans for finding things in plain sight, please let me know. I’ve got a killer plan for taking over the confectionary world. Now, if only I could remember where I placed it.</p>
<p>~Dˢ </p>
<p>
</p>
<div class="footnotes">
<hr />
<ol>
<li id="fn:1">
<p>Yes, this phrase actually works. You have no idea how many times I’ve shouted it out this year. 😕<a href="#fnref:1" title="return to article" class="reversefootnote"> ↩</a></p>
</li>
</ol>
</div>
D.R. Cooteyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139544455838967475noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6890431.post-55011043935986657012022-04-23T14:12:00.002-06:002022-04-23T14:13:39.467-06:00ADHD: Here Are Five Steps I Use to Rein In My Focus<p><em>A lack of focus is the one common trait that all adults with ADHD seem to have, but focus isn’t as elusive as you might fear.</em></p>
<img src="http://www.cootey.com/pix/2022/maintain.focus.png" alt="Using timed reminders is one tool I use to maintain focus." title="Using timed reminders is one tool I use to maintain focus." width="100%"/>
<p>The other day, a friend texted me out of the blue. He wanted a list of some of the things that I do to maintain focus. Initially, I panicked. I’ve been chronically ill since getting COVID–19 last October. I haven’t blogged in four months, so my ADHD advice muscles were all out of shape. Fortunately for my friend, I haven’t met a topic yet that I didn’t have an opinion on, so I worked up my courage and sent a list to him. </p>
<p>Finding focus is a complicated issue for <a href="http://douglascootey.com/search/label/ADHD" title="Read more tips on managing ADHD">adults with ADHD</a>. There are times when we have far too much focus and times when focus is as rare as a moderate during election primaries. Too much. Too little. This would be fine to work with if there was predictable rhythm to the pattern, but usually we find ourselves with too much focus on things we shouldn’t be doing (often called hyperfocus), and too little focus on the things that we should (often called many rude labels that I won’t bother listing). How do we regulate that‽ This is why I believe ADHD should refer to an attention dysfunction disorder, not a deficit. </p>
<p>The key to focus is understanding that <a href="http://douglascootey.com/search?q=boredom">ADHD minds have an aversion to boredom</a>. Scolding somebody to not be bored motivates somebody about as well as a gun to the head. There may be some short term benefits, but in the long run, it will create self-esteem issues and other psychological hangups. Instead, accept that boredom is part of the problem and address it with targeted coping strategies.</p>
<h2>Here are five steps I use to rein in my focus:</h2>
<ol>
<li><strong>Simplify your tasks:</strong> I break projects down into three steps at a time, usually in the form of a checklist, and memorize those steps. I call them my <a href="http://douglascootey.com/2013/09/adhd-three-ways-to-engage-hyperfocus-at.html">ThreeDos</a>, instead of ToDos. I find I can simulate ADHD hyperfocus by doing this, but without the downside of being totally immersed in my own world and deaf to the one around me.</li>
<li><strong>Drown out distractions:</strong> I like playing <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electronic_dance_music">EDM</a> to pump up my energy levels, but any music that excites you will do. Dance music causes me to tap my feet, which has the same focusing effect as exercise. It’s important to not play any music with lyrics if you haven’t heard the songs before. The purpose is to prevent distractions, not add to them! If EDM doesn’t work because I’m working with others or I need to stay attentive to outside interruptions, I will play white noise (often mixed with brown and pink noise).</li>
<li><strong>Timers are key to focus:</strong> Use a timer and work for shorter periods. I’ve found I can work for about forty-five minutes when focused, but I start with twenty minute periods at first, building up from there. Once the timer goes off, take a mental break. Look around. Check in with others. Disengage from your task for a moment. Then, after a few moments, start your next timed session. If you work at home, an old fashioned kitchen timer can be effective, but if you work with others, a soft alert sound on your phone can be just as effective.</li>
<li><strong>Alarms and reminders can keep you on task:</strong> Similar to timers, having a message pop up on your phone can jog your memory if you’ve become distracted, or keep you on track if your focus is fading. I often utilize Siri on my iPhone to set reminders. Where this tool becomes most useful is when I’m in the middle of a working session, but don’t want to forget something that comes to me. “Hey, Siri. Remind me in twenty minutes to call X.” Utilize your phone, no matter the platform, for on the fly reminders instead of trusting your memory.</li>
<li><strong>Make sure you are fed and hydrated:</strong> You can’t focus without fuel, yet this one step eludes me time and time again. Hyperfocus is often to blame. I have found that when I plan in meals with my breaks as outlined above, I focus better, and I am far more productive.</li>
</ol>
<p>When my productivity drops and time sails out the window, I know I haven’t been applying these coping strategies. I may not be able to get rid of my ADHD, but I can regulate it. Making the effort to tighten my focus helps me accomplish what I set out to do. Hopefully, these tips will help my friend, and maybe you as well.</p>
<p>~Dˢ</p>D.R. Cooteyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139544455838967475noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6890431.post-3541217524800853152022-01-27T23:00:00.001-07:002022-01-28T05:53:27.140-07:00When Does Research Become a Fixation?<p><em>I pull back the curtain a bit today, revealing a deep, dark secret about myself—a secret so dank, surely I’ll lose the last three readers I have.</em></p>
<img src="http://www.cootey.com/pix/2022/Pixiv.Pandoras.Box.jpg" alt="Pandoras Box from an unknown artist at Pixiv" title="Pandora's Box from an unknown artist at Pixiv" width="100%" />
<p>I’ve been reading far too many Japanese light novels lately. </p>
<p>It started as a form of research, but now I actually like the darn things. I can’t get enough of them. They’re my personal Pandora’s Box. I opened the beautiful, ornately engraved box, saw the plentiful wonders inside, and now I can’t shut the lid. Is this an <a href="http://douglascootey.com/search/label/ADHD" title="Read more tips on managing ADHD" target="elsewhere">ADHD</a> obsession, or a newfound joy? I can’t tell, which is why I’m troubled. Have you seen my <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/14845276.Douglas_Cootey" target="elsewhere">Goodreads</a> timeline? I read almost all escapist manga and light novels these days. I know <a href="http://douglascootey.com/search/label/Depression" title="Read more about coping with Depression" target="elsewhere">I’ve been struggling with depression</a> lately, but it’s embarrassing! I’m sitting here wearing a Fair Isle style, wool sweater, a designer, long-sleeved, henley shirt, and Izod tech pants, not a 1-ply t-shirt featuring Sailor Moon with chip crumbs all over my belly. How will my polished author image survive this lapse in pretentiousness? </p>
<p>In 2019, I had noticed that many of my favorite anime that season had origins as light novels in Japan. The more I looked into them, the more I realized that most anime was based on successful light novels. I’m not sure when they crowded out manga as the number one source. Even many successful manga are light novel spin-offs these days. </p>
<p>The best way to describe a light novel is as if pulp fiction and anime had a baby. Most stories are told in the first person. Most are written in a rush, with rapid output outweighing literary craft as the number one priority. The emphasis is on story and entertainment, not languid, literary explorations of contemporary themes. That’s where light novels are similar to pulp fiction, but where they differ is that the stories share more in common with comics with overpowered characters, romance being secondary to adventure, and so many portals open to fantasy worlds, it’s surprising Japan has any population left. In fact, many read like visual scripts to anime—as if the authors already have the licensing goals in mind. At worst, they can be fannish, derivative tales where they don’t milk tropes as much as they stick a spicket in and drain them by the bucketful. </p>
<p>Light Novels are not all bad. Otherwise, I wouldn’t spend so much time enjoying them. I’ve found my favorites. The intricate settings of <strong><em>Ascendance of a Bookworm</em></strong> are inspiring, as is the characterization and complicated plot. So much detail and research went into that series that I’m a little bit in awe of it. <strong><em>Unnamed Memory</em></strong> is gorgeously written. Earlier volumes are more sumptuous than later volumes, but over all I find the strong world and character building very engaging. The story reads like a fairytale whodunnit. The marathon-named <strong><em>Banished from the Hero’s Party, I Decided to Live a Quiet Life in the Countryside</em></strong> is a LitRPG, traditional high fantasy story that slowly reveals deep explorations on the meaning of free will while it subverts the proverbial hero role. Like <strong><em>Unnamed Memory</em></strong>, the story bucks the Light Novel trend and features romance in a warm and healthy way. Also, the <strong><em>Rascal Does Not Dream of…</em></strong> series is notable for its rapid-fire and funny dialog. Imagine a Young Adult <strong><em>X-files</em></strong> crossed with <strong><em>Moonlighting</em></strong> situated in Japan. The story is funny, but the author makes me care about the characters. The last volume was a bit cruel with my heartstrings.</p>
<p>Reading for research is one thing, but light novels have replaced vegging out in front of the boob tube. That’s an improvement, right⸮ They’ve replaced gaming, too. The downside is now that I read for fun, I’m no longer studying the craft, the pacing, the compromises, or the output of the authors involved. </p>
<p>I blame <a href="https://j-novel.club" target="elsewhere">j-novel.club</a> (JNC). I paid for a subscription to read everything I could get my hands on. I wanted to understand the phenomenon better. JNC serializes the stories as they are serialized in Japan—weekly—so one can find themselves quite busy keeping on top of several series all week long. I just paid for <strong>one month</strong>, but here I am two years later. I’m just glad that JNC doesn’t serialize daily as some of the stories are released in Japan. </p>
<p>I’m not complaining. Light novels and Kindle Vella gave me the kick in the butt I needed to write more. Serializing daily? Do you realize how much work that is? Even if the output is a tropey lark with no originality, I am still impressed with the dedication and output. On top of my Tourette’s and other issues, the pandemic, along with family drama, snuffed out my writing flame. I felt like a podling from Dark Crystal, drained and lifeless as I moved from day to day. Now I’m anxiously engaged in a good cause in my own way instead of letting depression win. </p>
<p>If only I could cut back on reading and do more writing. <em>(Serialized daily! I’m exhausted just thinking about it.)</em></p>
<p>~Dˢ</p>D.R. Cooteyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139544455838967475noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6890431.post-70855740565217339812021-11-30T23:00:00.001-07:002021-12-01T03:45:57.777-07:00Doomsday in December?<p><em>I’m run down and sick, so I’m posting something positive every day this week until I lift my spirits.</em></p>
<img src="http://www.cootey.com/pix/2021/HipstamaticPhoto-LookingFine.jpg" alt="Hipstamatic Photo. Looking Fine!" title="Hipstamatic Photo. Looking Fine!" width="100%" />
<p>There is a reason I’m depressed. It’s more than having <a href="http://douglascootey.com/search/label/Depression" title="Read more about coping with Depression">major and persistent depression disorder</a>. I’ve had a surprisingly cruddy year. I have to admit that I’m frustrated because my coping strategies are failing me. This is the sort of year that could only happen to a protagonist in a dark comedy. I’ve already written before how I was severely sick for seven months <strong>before</strong> the pandemic began. This feels like slow death sometimes. I’m so isolated from others, I’m forgetting how to be human.</p>
<p>Here’s my calendar since May. I think it’s a bit much:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><strong>May:</strong> I began running to lose weight and get in shape, but tore my right meniscus in my knee. I know its a torn meniscus, but insurance demands I do physical therapy first. Thus ends my newfound hobby, as well as my summer of longboarding before it began. <br>
<strong>June:</strong> Babying my torn meniscus, I bent over to get something out of the fridge and ripped my quadratic lomborum on my right side. How did such a thing happen? When did I become so frangible? I have to cancel my knee PT.<br>
<strong>July:</strong> My back is improving, but still sore. No exercise can be done, though I manage to walk long miles. It’s very painful, especially on the knee, but I’m determined to lose weight and get in shape. Then I catch a summer virus and go down for three weeks. <br>
<strong>August:</strong> I feel like I’m getting back on top of my life, though my LD daughter began an extremely volatile stage this month. We haven’t seen temper outbursts like this in a few years, so it was surprising. It took up enormous amounts of time to deal with. Halfway through the month, She and I got rear ended on a highway onramp in the rain. One driver ahead of me braked, causing a pileup. The guy in front of me avoided that guy, and I avoided him, but the guy behind me wasn’t as skillful. Now I need a chiropractor, I can’t do my PT, and my car is wrecked. But we are alive and thankful that things weren’t worse.<br>
<strong>September:</strong> Mostly filled with chiropractic visits until 2/3rds through when I have surgery to correct my torn meniscus. By the end of the month, I had one day where I began to feel functional again. I spent the day helping parents register their car, but not mine. I’d do it on Monday, except… <br>
<strong>October:</strong> I got COVID–19 despite dual vaccinations. It was probably Delta. I have never been so sick in my life. It lasted for weeks, eating up the entire month. <br>
<strong>November:</strong> Finally, I’m feeling normal again! I register my car. I get the insurance fiasco and repairs going. I put out fires here and there that had begun to smolder in my life. Then my daughter got RSV. I spent eight days tending to her needs. She hadn’t been as sick as that in twenty years. Then she shared it with me. I tested positive for RSV and COVID a week an a half ago. I hear I’ll test positive for COVID for up to three months. My symptoms were all RSV, but I was already run down from COVID. It was brutal. I’m still sick. Fortunately, I got the car in for repair. The bill came to over $5000, but insurance paid for it. One bright moment. I got my car back today, and I feel strangely giddy about my worldly possession. I have freedom again. <br>
<strong>December:</strong> That’s tomorrow. Nothing short of disaster and ruin can follow up this chain of events. December shall usher in a personal Ragnarök, resulting in smoke, carnage, and a crater where my hopes and dreams once resided. Oh, is that negative? Gosh, shucks. I wonder why my outlook is so dark? </p>
</blockquote>
<p>What’s most frustrating is that for most days, there is no brightness or joy in my life—just sickness, pain, and suffering. No friends to socialize with. I’m quarantining. No health to explore the world around me. I’m too sick to be active, and going outside will result in me getting more sickness. Just me stuck at home, sick and miserable with a compromised immunity system. In the past, I would hold tight and wait for Spring when the warmer weather would begin my days of living and health. It’s a dull way to live, though.</p>
<p>I recognize that this entry is filled with self-pity. Nobody set me up for a fall. There are no angry gods making sure my life is perfectly disastrous. Yet still, I had such high writing goals for the year. I needed to reach forward and lift myself up. I have little patience for life’s nastier distractions.</p>
<p>This is why I’m posting something positive every day. This journal entry doesn’t quite count. It’s sad, bitter therapy, but I feel better getting it out. No, I’m referring to my attempts at gratitude. Here is today’s:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>I’m grateful for ebooks. I can go out shopping at 4am, dressed in swaddling clothes, and never leave my bed. 📖</p>
</blockquote>
<p>I have not given up hope, but I may not make my writing goals. I wanted to have my new fiction work up on Kindle Vella by Saturday. That may happen. I wanted my <a href="http://douglascootey.com/search/label/ADHD" title="Read more tips on managing ADHD">ADHD visual ToDos</a> book up on Kindle Unlimited by my birthday. That may happen. I owe a friend quite a few articles for his website. I think I can bang them out by the end of year, but it might be a bit much to expect them done by my birthday as well. I also wanted to reach certain goals in my Japanese studies. Those may happen. I’m not dead yet, and wallowing only makes depression stronger, which makes productivity harder. It is dour enough that I am sickly. My mental outlook doesn’t have to reflect that. I’ve been lazy in my coping strategies. It is time to recommit to being in control.</p>
<p>With that said, I’m being grateful and posting a blog today. I even took a selfie and tried to make myself look human. These are three proactive tasks that are hard to do when my outlook is bleak, but I feel that I’ve accomplished something, even if this blog is overly maudlin, lacking in humor, and heavy on ruthful observations. I’m getting it out of my system. I’m going to put this year behind me. I’m going to succeed.</p>
<p>~Dˢ</p>
<p> </p>D.R. Cooteyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139544455838967475noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6890431.post-41139651094909381222021-11-29T09:10:00.004-07:002021-11-29T09:13:34.939-07:00Feeling Down, So It’s Time To Be Grateful<p><em>Sometimes life gets me down. So what am I going to do about it?</em></p>
<p><img src="http://www.cootey.com/pix/2021/MoodySunset.jpeg" alt="Moody Sunset Looking West" title="Moody Sunset Looking West" width="100%"/>
I’ve been way too sick to blog lately or post here. I mostly lay in bed and cough. It’s a party! But I did get some <a href="http://douglascootey.com/2016/11/books-by-douglas-cootey.html" title="My growing list of published books. A new one by the end of 2021!">book writing</a> in. One more chapter, and I’ll be ready to post it on Kindle Vella. Now I just need to design a fetching avatar for the book.</p>
<p>I started feeling better yesterday…marginally. I had energy enough to remotely log into my four computers and setup SSH key pairs, moved some doge into a dedicated hot wallet, listed items on eBay, updated my dynamic DNS account to make sure my web and ebook servers were working, downgraded Calibre and DeDRM to fix the Mac glitch with Kindle 1.31.0 where the DRM keys weren’t passed to the new install, then upgraded them so I can make DRM-free backups of my purchases again, ignored the crypto-markets because they were <a href="http://douglascootey.com/search/label/Depression" title="Read more about coping with Depression">depressing</a>, worked on the impossible family jigsaw puzzle that will be the death of me before sickness ever takes me out, read a lot of books, and laid down inbetween each task to recouperate. </p>
<p>What’s funny is that what I <strong><em>want</em></strong> to do is vastly different from that list I just shared with you, but I simply can’t exercise or do PT yet. I can’t write as long as I can tinker. I run out of stamina. Same problem with studying Japanese. Or blogging. I wonder why tinkering on my computers is easy, but working on them is hard?</p>
<p>I believe the reason is that I forget to take breaks when I work, but tinkering is intellectual pudding, effortless for me to do, and I take frequent breaks in between tasks. You’d think I’d set a timer and work in small blocks when working. You know? The Pomodoro method? Ten minute increments? I’ve been so exhausted from these oxygen-depleting coughing attacks that come up from the bottom of my toes, I’ve forgotten most of my coping strategies. </p>
<p>So I’m typing all this here to remind myself. </p>
<p>I haven’t gone into details on what I’ve been dealing with this year, but let’s just say that I ate my Thanksgiving dinner quarantined in my bedroom, so this current bout of illness has me a bit down. I just want to get back in shape, socialize with people more, and ride my longboard for hours like I did last year several times a week. But it’s December, we’re in a pandemic, Omicron is around the corner, and even though my knee PT has been delayed due to my car accident and COVID–19 (and now RSV), I couldn’t go longboarding in this weather anyway. If I owned a gun, I would put pictures of viruses on a post in my backyard and shoot at them all day until I felt better. </p>
<p>It’s possible that I’m in a dark place. Now that I’ve vented, I believe I will post something positive every day this week until I lift my spirits. </p>
<p>Here we go. Positive thought No.1: I’m glad I’m not dead. </p>
<p>Nope. Not positive enough. It sounds more like a lyric from the Smith’s than an empowering statement of gratitude. I’m sure I can do better. </p>
<p>Ahem. </p>
<p><b>I’m grateful for a bright mind and geeky things to keep it entertained.</b> </p>
<p>There! That was better, don’t you think? What are you grateful for?</p>
<p>~Dˢ</p>
<p> </p>D.R. Cooteyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139544455838967475noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6890431.post-59718903753156508452021-10-26T18:19:00.001-06:002021-11-09T03:46:51.159-07:00Good Grief! Where Have I Been All This Time‽<p><em>My life was briefly put on hold, thanks to a certain virus, but now I’m back, more cheeky & cynical than ever!</em></p>
<img src="http://www.cootey.com/pix/2021/Orange-tintedSunset.jpg" alt="Orange-tinted Sunset" title="Orange-tinted Sunset" width="100%" />
<p>So much for new beginnings. </p>
<p>A week after my knee surgery, just as I was able to feel more human than sore, I became sick. Then sicker. Then sicker still. A quick visit to the InstaCare on a quiet Sunday evening ushered me into my new life of exhaustion and fatigue. </p>
<p>I’ve had five or six COVID–19 tests since the pandemic began. They were almost beginning to feel routine. That Sunday night was no different. I showed up to pick up my pre-registered self-test, then opted to be seen instead because I felt lousy. I didn’t think I had COVID–19 because I was vaccinated, but I had something. I thought it was strep throat. </p>
<p>I waited outside. They called me in when they were wearing their biohazard suit. I had my vitals recorded. They decided to test for Strep as well as COVID–19. I waited some more. </p>
<p>I’ve been there before. Multiple times doctors would tell me, “Oh, 85% I’m sure you’ve got COVID”, and I’d test negative. Every time. They just didn’t understand how sick I get. Respiratory illness is my raison d’être . A virus only has to pass by the front of my home on the other side of the street, and I’ll be bedridden for a week. I’d made progress in recent years. I’d enjoyed traveling, longboarding, and shrugging off colds after a day, but the pandemic made me unhealthier. I couldn’t get out. Couldn’t exercise. It was as if the pandemic lay on my <a href="http://douglascootey.com/search/label/Depression" title="Read more about coping with Depression">Major Depression Disorder</a> like an anvil, then pushed my <a href="http://douglascootey.com/search/label/Depression" title="Read more about coping with Depression">Persistent Depression Disorder</a> down the stairs. It helped my sleep phase disorder knock me around the clock like a hockey puck. I was back to be being sick more often than healthy again. </p>
<p>When the test came back positive for SARS-CoV–2, I was irritated. “C’mon!” I thought. “I followed all the rules. I wore that stupid mask. I got my shots!” Yeah, but Delta didn’t care. From what I’ve read, it had a different protein spike than the one American vaccines targeted. </p>
<p>Delta’s path to me was logjammed with vaccines, all of which it vaulted over grimly and with grace. Apparently, my brother’s mother-in-law went to a party, came home and gave Delta to her husband. Then they waited to get better because they couldn’t possibly have COVID–19. They were vaccinated! Everyone says get vaccinated or you’ll endanger your grandparents, as if the vaccine is a magical potion that wards off evil, but the grandparents ended up sharing the virus with their eleven-year-old grandson, who then shared it with his daddy, who then shared it with me. All of us except my nephew were vaccinated—twice. </p>
<p>Can I be dramatic for a moment (as if I wasn’t already over the top). I’d never been sicker in my life. It was like pneumonia and the flu had a baby in my lungs then beat me down with its diapers. I’ve been bronchial all my life, but I’d never experienced anything like this. Even watching TV or reading a book took too much energy. I was miserable. Getting air into my lungs was exhausting at times. COVID–19 weaponized my comorbid conditions, then waged war on my health. With the time recovering from surgery followed with COVID–19, I’ve lost five weeks of my life. Fun times. </p>
<p>Now that I’m on the mend, I’ve begun taking back my life, putting out fires, getting things back on track…and sleeping at all the wrong times of the day when I collapse, battery depleted. Things couldn’t be worse if radioactive meteors began to rain down upon me every time I ventured out to check the mail. </p>
<p>Don’t worry, though. My spirits are up even considering all I’ve been through. <a href="http://douglascootey.com/2006/03/depression-ten-ways-to-fight-it-off.html" title="Here's how I fight off Depression without meds">Being melodramatic is all part of my therapy.</a> Next time I’ll tell you about my comical trip to the ER for the monoclonal antibody treatment. Being in danger of a heart attack was never so hilarious. Just make sure you have “Yakety Sax” playing in the background while you read along.</p>
<p>In the meantime, I hope you enjoyed the first sunset that I beheld in ages, venturing outside on my own for the first time since this whole ordeal began.</p>
<pre><code>Date: October 26, 2021 at 6:19:01 PM MDT
Weather: 46°F Mostly Cloudy
Location: Sandy, Utah, United States
</code></pre>
D.R. Cooteyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17139544455838967475noreply@blogger.com